Outlander - A five word film review

VIKINGS!
SPACEMEN!
SWORDS!
MONSTERS!
AWESOME!

( Outlander :Available from today: 31/08/09 on DVD & Blu-Ray , DVD £9.99 at Sainsbury's)

Darwin Award Challenge Ruined By Rescue Services

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Connecticut native James Boyden's (17) attempt to win the 2009 Darwin Award was spoilt yesterday by interfering Firemen, Paramedics and passers-by.

James was well on his way to his award, after digging an 8ft deep hole in the sand and having it collapse in on him, when local Health & Safety nuts in the form of the emergency services called a halt to his challenge. After a 2 hour operation, a clearly upset James was dragged from his hole.

Local resident Ernest Shitkicker said:

"It's Big Government gone mad, it is every Americans inalienable right to remove themselves from the gene pool in as stupid a way as possible, it's in The Constitution (can we check this? Ed.) right next to 'The Right to Bear Arms' and the 'The Right to Believe In Angels and Alien Abduction' ( check this one as well. Ed.) "

He went on to add:

"I blame Obama, this would never have happened under George W. There's a man who knows what it's like to drive drunk at speed on a dark night"

The so called 'rescue' was completed in front of a large crowd expressing equal amounts of approval and disapproval.

Local Fire Chief Barry Hunsendeutsch III summed up by saying.

"We would never normally interfere with an Americans God given right to off themselves in an amusing way. But this was on a Public Beach and we were concerned over potential 'trip hazards' and subsequent litigation, so we had to act."

He added :

"If Americans wish to top themselves in a hilarious fashion, say by cleaning a chainsaw with your teeth, lighting a Bar-B-Q with 'homemade' Napalm or digging an enormous unsupported hole to search for leprechaun gold. Please do it on private property, we will be more than happy to come over afterwards, pick up the pieces and enjoy a good laugh."

Full story The Daily Mail
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Exam Result Diversity Pic's - It's A Tie!

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Following on from The News Shoppers splendid effort on the A'Level results, I had high hopes for the GCSE's but they let me down.

But coming in with a late burst of speed its The Daily Telegraph.

Yep, we've got pretty much every ethnic mix in there, they even managed to find an oriental, which The News Shopper was sadly lacking. However they do lose a point for no ethnic clothing ( c'mon guys not a hijab or sari in sight)

NOTE: It's an all girls school , so no points off for not including males ( but we know in diversity world , males are an irrelevance.)

So I award flat C's to both, must try harder. Next year remember to get those A*'s all elements must be included in your composition: Correct ethnic mix, ethnic Clothing, visible disabled (wheelchair always an A grade) Extra *'s to those whose ethnic mix shows a ratio that is completely different to the actual make up of the country.
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Don't forget your wellingtons

A sheep is believed to have become the world's most expensive after selling for £231,000.

New owner Mr Douglas said the Texel sheep "was as good as he had seen, with a good body." 

 I think he looks concerned and not a little worried.
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Iranu

Welcome back to the inestimable Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer.

'Shooting Star's' is back on BBC2 @22:00 on Wednesdays. the first episode has already passed, but is available on BBC iPlayer. ( I know this is a late post but I had to PVR it).

It is often said that Vic & Bob are comedy's Marmite, you either love them or hate them, no in-betweens, well I like Marmite and I love Vic & Bob.

I have only literally cried with laughter twice so far, the first was watching 'The Big Night Out Tour' at Hammersmith ( second was Paul Merton at the Palladium).

So go watch it and have a laugh, they are as good as ever.

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Poets Day (8)

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And death shall have no dominion.
Dead mean naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

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And Death Shall Have No Dominion
Dylan Thomas

Light fingered BBC and Guardian?

From the BBC home page

 

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Click 4 Larger

From the Daily Mail 

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Same picture ( you can tell by the two gingers) but the BBC and also The Guardian have helpfully cropped out the distracting  ©PA  as shown by The Daily Mail, who I'm sure paid a fee for use.

As an aside, I'm disappointed with The News Shopper so far after their stand out work on the A'Level results
But I have high hopes for tomorrow when the 'local' photo's are in.

But in the posh totty jumping with results in hand stakes The Daily Mail is still the daddy.

 

Result! Anna Vlasova from Chelmsford County High School celebrates 12 A*s

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Heebeejeebies and screaming abdabs

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I'm not a brave person, but I get by. I don't really like flying, but I do it. I'm not great with heights but I've been up mountains and on the helipads of very tall buildings . I scuba dive, which some people think is insane and I have no problem being out of sight of land on a boat.

But if there's one thing that scares the living shit out of me, it's the thought of being trapped underground, in the dark, I'm not too happy about long car tunnels and I once walked out of a tour of Chislehurst Caves.

Which is the reason I've only ever travelled twice on the Eurostar (return ticket). Because if this had happened to me.

Trapped under the sea: Hundreds in Channel Tunnel terror after train breaks down for six hours

The ensuing scene would be very reminiscent to this.



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The seats don't recline, but look at the leg room.

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I don't know about 'cattle class' It certainly looks more comfortable than my last flight on Monarch Air to Sharm El Sheik.
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Cancer, Cancer Everywhere (2)

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This is just getting silly now. 

Anti- Cancer Drug May Cause Another Cancer

Alright we get it, "Everything in the whole wide world gives you the cancer."

Now instead of using all the millions of dollars /pounds you get in donations researching the causes of  the cancer and telling us about avoiding the cancer, can you just please get the fuck on with finding cures for the cancer.

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Pavlov's Cat Recommends

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I don't often do recommendations as it is fraught with pitfalls, your exact taste is not my exact taste, we are all different and that's fantastic, it would be a sad Nu-Labour world if we all had the same taste. So unless I know you really well, I'm unlikely to recommend any books, music, film etc. to you. The same goes double for anything that may cost you money should I get it wrong, like horses or stock tips ( I've seen good friends fall out over that).

However, the exception proves the rule and I feel I am on safe ground here. I like suet puddings and I like steak in gravy, unfortunately it often proves impossible to find the two together without kidney, don't get me wrong kidneys in a fry-up, lovely. But in a pudding I don’t like the 'tang' it gives ( same goes for Steak & Kidney pies.

So I was delighted to find these in Tesco, they are in the frozen section and are I think £2.49 for 2, they are very tasty, but beware if you are not having a starter & dessert you will need both ( or if you are a bloke.)

Being as by now you, the reader should have well formed opinions on both suet and steak, (unless I've accidentally linked to my BeBo account again). I feel I can recommend these, that is if you like suet and steak.

click for larger

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Arnold Layne had a strange hobby.

Not much to this story

Ex-mayor faces underwear charges

The former mayor of a Lancashire town has been accused of breaking into homes and stealing women's underwear, police have said.

 But it does give me an excuse to post this




UPDATE: JuliaM has a link to the man in person, didn't anybody see the signs?

They Really Want To Shut The Pubs Down, Don't They ?

In light of all they have done to bring about the demise of the traditional British pub, that meeting place and oasis of calm, so beloved by the people and so hated by the Righteous, the smoking ban, the letting in of children, the ever increasing taxes.Now comes another turn of the knife.
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Pubs Warn Over Plastic Pints Plan

Plans to replace the traditional pint glass with one made of unbreakable plastic will not be accepted by drinkers, the pub industry has warned.

There is nothing worse than drinking a pint from a plastic glass, it is just vile.
But hold , here comes the The British Beer and Pub Association they said:

"It did not want the new plastic glasses to be made compulsory"

Well they listened to you over the Smoking Ban, what could go wrong? 

Neil Williams goes on:

 "I would ask, is it necessary to replace the much-loved pint glass for safety reasons in the vast majority of pubs where there is no problem?
"Pubs shouldn't be put under pressure to stop using glasses if they are safe places to drink. Why on earth ask them to do that?
"They shouldn't be corralled into using plastic glasses. Anything that would move us towards a plastic product would not be welcomed."

 Lets just reword that slightly and see what it may have looked like 3 years ago:

 "I would ask, is it necessary to ban smoking in the vast majority of pubs where there is no problem?
"Pubs shouldn't be put under pressure to ban smoking if they do not want to. Why on earth ask them to do that?
"They shouldn't be corralled into banning smoking. Anything that would move us towards a smoking ban would not be welcomed." 

Yep that argument really worked last time, once the bansturbators get their hooks in you, you are finished and they hate pubs. You caved last time and they won, the war is already over and you just don't know it.

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"Dinner with Sebastian Faulks?

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Actually I think I'm busy that night, and the next. In fact my diary is pretty jammed, why don't I get back to you?"

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Sebastian Faulks risks Muslim anger after calling Koran the 'rantings of a schizophrenic'

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 Having read the article I agree with all of it. But I think he's pretty brave at this time for coming out and saying it, he will of course be called a racist and a 'misunderstander' of Islam and  will no doubt experience the consequences that such 'misunderstanding' tends to bring.

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So well done Mr Faulks, but you might find the party invitations tend to dry up a bit, just ask Salman.  I sense a fatwa on it's way. 

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A Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Jain, Bhuddist, Shinto, 

Religion of Peace follower going shopping earlier today .

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NOTE: The above link to the story in The Daily Telegraph has been disabled less than 24 hours after publishing, a brief precis is still available at The Times but without the "rantings of a schizophrenic" quote. Jihad Watch has more of the Telegraph text here   Can anyone spell Dhimmi ?

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I Quite Agree

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Overheard in the pub.

Last night somewhere in Sarf East Lahndan.

Bloke 1 enters

Bloke 1 : 'Geez?'
Bloke 2 : 'Geezer'

Bloke1: 'Sweet?'
Bloke 2: 'Sweet as'

Bloke 1: 'Nice'

Bloke 2 leaves.

Who says the art of conversation is dead..
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No Nymphettes for the News Shopper

Diversity it's the name of the game, I mean how far across campus did they have to roam to get this disparate group together and couldn't the photographer have found someone in a wheelchair for goodness sakes.

I mean it looks like the line up for a new BBC Yoof magazine show, or 'Survivors II :The next generation'.

Where's all the posh totty jumping for joy, Oh that's alright here's one at The Daily Telegraph and another one and The Daily Mail , shows how it should be done.

Sorry News Shopper no A*'s for you in the traditional 'Reporting of A'Level Results'
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Poets Day (7)

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On the road that I have taken,
one day, walking, I awaken,
amazed to see where I have come,
where I'm going, where I'm from.

This is not the path I thought.
This is not the place I sought.
This is not the dream I bought,
just a fever of fate I've caught.

I'll change highways in a while,
at the crossroads, one more mile.
My path is lit by my own fire.
I'm going only where I desire.

On the road that I have taken,
one day, walking, I awaken.
One day, walking, I awaken,
on the road that I have taken.

The Book Of Counted Sorrows.

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Terrible thing, to live in fear.

Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won't have to be afraid all the time.


OK, yes I sat up tonight and watched 'The Shawshank Redemption' again on FILM4 even though I have it on DVD ( That's a question for another day)

I love this film and for the life of me , I can't explain why. I watch a lot of movies, I love film and can critique the majority as to why I dislike / like them.

But 'Shawshank' to me, I can't explain why I love it. Is it a buddy movie, a bloke movie, a 'redemption' movie, or is it that exception that needs no category, I don't know and sometimes that bugs me.

It's unfortunate that it was released in the same year as 'Forrest Gump' but I would think it's now made more money on DVD than it has, even if it didn't win all the awards ( none at Oscar time). It's just a great story, direction, screen play, actors, editing, all is wonderful.

I think for me it come down to two quotes from Red

"Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side"

and

"I guess, I just miss my friend"

I can relate to both.
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Cancer, cancer everywhere.

Scented Candles May Cause Cancer

Not that bothered about this one me, the reason being a certain person who was quite close to me, was obsessed with them.

She couldn't pass one of those lifestyle shops without coming home with a couple of pounds of scented wax with a wick in the top and don't get me started about Ikea fucking tea-lights by the hundred weight.

I reckon that if our house had caught fire, it would have burnt for five days with a steady flame, but smelt lovely.

Yes, I know I'm a bad person. Yes I'm going to Hell and you would be right, except she never lit the fuckers, as she was allergic to incense, they were purely for decoration.
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Stop! Thief!

Somebody snuck into my room last night and replaced my ankles and feet with those of a ninety-six year old man with osteoporosis and arthritis.

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Bastard.
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Red faced and barking dogs

Former Royal Naval Academy, Greenwich ( Click for larger)

Well I'm back from my day out , slightly red faced, as it was a scorcher today in London Town. As you can see from the above picture, I spent the day wandering around Greenwich Park, The Royal Observatory, National Maritime Museum and The Royal Naval Academy, which is why my dogs are barking and my ankles may go on strike.

I took the camera (obviously), it was not a great day for photo's , bright sun , no clouds, clear blue sky ( photographers hate clear blue skies ). So no nice lines & shadows, I could have done with my ND Grad filters, but I decided I was only going to take the bare minimum of kit ( for those interested, Canon 20D , Canon EFS17-85mm and Canon Circular Polariser)

The idea really was just to get out of the house and do something, the bastard thing with depression is that things that you used to enjoy just hold no interest for you anymore and what seems to others is just sitting around the house moping or just going through the motions at work, is actually crushing that persons soul bit by bit.

So I went and forced myself to take photo's even though I was internally pretty 'meh' about it. In the end, I'm quite pleased with the way it turned out, a couple I think are OK , some are too touristy, some were just bad.

All in all, not a bad day, the black dog's still there, but not howling as loud, I just need to keep forward momentum going.

I'll post up my thoughts on the park & museums later and maybe even put some photo's on flikr.

Now I've got to gird myself for taking my Nan shopping and to the doctors tommorow and that woould give even Happy Mc'Happy the Happiest Man in the World the blues.

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The Land of Wonder

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I'm going to take the camera for a walk today to try and shake off the black dog. So something from the photo archive as a placeholder.

I wonder how many Righteous groups would kill each other to be first to condemn this idea in the UK, hopefully it would give them all aneurysms.

Yet from Cairns, QLD, Australia it's The Drive-Thru Off Licence*

Click pictures for larger.

* The photo's are from a few years back and I know the Aussies have their own Health Nazi's now, but it would be nice if anyone could confirm it's still there.
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Edit : Pseudonymph in the comments tells us that Drive-Thru 'Bottle Shops' (as another upside down person told me they are called) are still extant in The Land Down Under. Huzzah for the Aussies.
I may even pick up a packet of ANZAC biscuits tomorrow as a show of support when I take Nan shopping.
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Down, down, deeper and down.

After the highs of last week, meeting old friends ( twice) , going to 'that there London', winning £70 on the lottery and contributing to Culture Wars Week amongst other things.

I find that today the 'black dog' has returned with a vengeance and once more I am in the Slough of Despond. As you get older it becomes harder and harder to 'bounce back' from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and you tend to dwell on the 'what ifs' and 'roads not taken', like an outclassed boxer, you wonder what's the point of struggling to get up again, if they're only going to knock you down.

I've had enough therapy to know that this is not healthy, but it steals up on you and before you know it, you're back at the bottom of the hole looking up again.

So instead of sitting here being self-pitying ( and the self-loathing that goes with the awareness that you're being self-pitying)

I'm going to go for a brisk walk amongst green things and see if that helps ( it sometimes does).
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'Stingers' used to halt stolen bus

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The vision in my head was this


But in reality it was only this




I really should stop watching Michael Bay films.
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"Even Monkeys" Can Get A'Levels

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Well at least these two could*, I couldn't even finish 'The Bonfire of the Vanities.'





* Yes I know they are apes not monkeys.

ref: The Metro
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There May Come A Day, But Not This Day

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"We are like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants, so that we can see more than they, and things at a greater distance, not by virtue of any sharpness of sight on our part, or any physical distinction, but because we are carried high and raised up by their giant size."

Bernard of Chartres

I am indebted to Mr North of They're Joking Aren't They for instigating this Cultural Wars week, it has served to remind through the various contributions of Cats, Julia, North et.al. Of what we have to be proud of, against all those that would do us down.

The question I have to ask is "If Western civilisation is so shit, why does everybody want to come here?"

Because aside from all the minor complaints we have. (and if you're living in a shit hole in the 3rd world, they are minor) basically we're fucking great, compared to the endemic corruption, nepotism, cronyism, juntaships, dictatorships, orthodoxy and theocracy that these people live in. We are the wasps joints, the dogs bollox and the bee's knees.

There's plenty of places I'd like to live rather than Britain at the moment, like Australia, Canada, New Zealand, but Pakistan, India, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Iran, Turkey and so on. don't figure on the list

We are The Men of the West ( and women) and we will not go gentle.

Cogito Ergo Sum

Here is
a test to find
whether your mission on earth
is finished:
If you're alive,
it isn't.

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Bring Out Your Dead ('s money)

Bereaved Families Hit By Tax Hike

Bereaved families will have to pay 3% interest on late payments of inheritance tax from next month, HM Revenue and Customs has confirmed.

What the buggering fuck!

Such payments are due within six months of a death.

Seeing as some large estates take more than 6 months to settle, that's going to be a nice little earner.

HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) said: "Interest is not a penalty but compensation for tax paid late.

Compensation, again what the buggering fuck! we compensate the government for having to wait a bit longer for our money, that they are stealing.

"This has been subject to extensive consultation over the last 18 months and has been largely welcomed by customer groups and their representatives.

You mean the Government departments and accountancy companies that get their share of the gelt. Because I'm damn sure if you asked your real customers i.e The people, you would get a resounding "No, fuck off "

I am not an accountant, but I have always felt that Death Duty/ Inheritance Tax was one of the most evil minded, pernicious taxes there is.
To my mind once you are dead the government has no right to anything you leave behind.

After all you will have already paid tax on it at least once , either through Income Tax, VAT, Property Taxes, Capital Gains ( don't get me started on that one) etc. It really is just another turn of the screw and an insult to anyone who does well.

In short, will you just fuck off out of our lives (and deaths) , you evil grasping people. I really am quite angry about this.

There is no incentive anymore in this country to do well, as you will get fucked over even in death, so lets all be mediocre.


Old Jokes Home:
How can you tell an extrovert accountant?, they look at your shoes when talking to you.
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Why yes, I am a bit peckish, since you ask,

The Mega Tamago (click for larger)

I have mentioned before of my liking for the products of Mr Ronald McD.

The tasty looking burger above is the Mega Tamago* from McDonald's Japan, it is an unholy creation combining a Big Mac and a Bacon, Cheese and Egg Burger.

But, my it does look tasty, although apparently McDonald's** have no intention of releasing it in other markets, which I think is a damn shame.

It's probably a good thing as I'm sure the Health Nazi's at the Ministry of Sucking All the Joy Out of Life would collapse into their fat free muesli at the very thought of such an abomination heading to our shores.

Actually no 'Fuck Em'. I Want My Mega Tamago! now where's the Facebook petition.


* Tamago is Japanese for Egg, so it's A Large Egg for me

** The Chaplin's name where I went briefly to college was Donald Ronald Mc'Donald, true story
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h/t This Is Why You're Fat
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Poets Day (6)

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.


Not Waving But Drowning
Stevie Smith
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We can be heroes, just for one day.

Cick to enlarge

Heroes* yes, fictional** yes, but that's what I grew up with and what shaped the person that I am today. I believe that everyone needs a hero, whether fictional or not ( I tried to keep to the 'fictional' remit, if I included real life heroes we'd be here for days and I still left some out)

To most the collection may seem eclectic but now looking at what I have chosen, to me they all have one thing in common , they all are fighters for the 'people' and perhaps I didn't realise that till now.


* Yes they are all heroes and not a single heroine, of which there I know there are many.( or is that like actors/ actresses and they are now all 'actors' so there are no heroines these days and everyones a 'hero' ) But I was born with an XY chromosome and I like 'manly things' . A very good lady friend ( Hi Liz) recently asked me my opinion on epidurals in child birth, I told her 'I cannot have an opinion because I cannot ever relate to it, because I am a bloke, much as you have no say as to whether cricketers need to wear a box or not', and there you have it

** The images are for Illustration purposes only and not to be seen some sort of best filim guide. Mostly I read the books before I saw the film or TV series ( unless it was only ever a filim or TV series)

Competition: Name the heroes in the photo's ( in the case of the books , the main protagonist) , The first person that does so wins a brisk hand clap from me and the brief glow that you beat someone else on the internet

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The Fighting Temeraire

( click to enlarge)
The Fighting Temeraire tugged to her last Berth to be broken up
JMW Turner (1838)

Every time I go up to 'that there London' I feel a pull towards the National Gallery and to this painting in particular, it is just simply stunning and I can spend unremarked time standing in front of it.

The way it evokes the passing of an age is brilliantly executed , the old (sail) being taken away by the new (steam) with the setting sun glowing in the background.

Yet to me, it doesn't look like the ship is being 'taken' merely following behind, like an old war horse who knows it's time has come to be put out to grass.

The way Turner has the Temeraire almost ghost like looming behind the steam tug as a reminder perhaps of glories past, but I think more to remind the viewer of the foundation on which the present has been build by those that went before.

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Edit: 09:10
I should add that another of the reasons I love this painting is that I own it, well not just me, you do too ( if you're British ) It's not from The Queen's Collection or on loan from Lord Huffington Smythe.
It was bequeathed by Mr Turner to the nation (that's you and me that is) when he died in 1851, which was very nice of him. However unlike other bits of communal property, like the school hamster, they don't let you take it home weekends, not even if you ask nicely. I know, I tried, they were quite right too, I'd have nowhere to hang it.
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Why We Don't Need Anymore New Laws

As Bystander often points out on his Magistrate's Blog , we don't need any more new laws, the laws we need are actually already on the statute books and just need to be applied correctly.

Here is a good example of where this was the case, I hope the CPS lawyer gets recognition for showing initiative ( But knowing the current mindset of public servants probably not and will more likely get a warning.)

Cyclist jailed for seven months for fatal pavement crash

Darren Hall, a 20-year-old supermarket worker, was jailed for seven months at Dorchester Crown Court today for the obscure 19th century offence of "wanton and furious driving".

Witnesses said that Hall had been riding like a “like a bat out of hell” as he came down a hill in Weymouth, Dorset, and jumped on to a pavement to avoid a red traffic light on the evening of August 8 last year.

As he went round a blind bend, he saw Ronald Turner, 84, but was travelling too quickly to take evasive action. He knocked Mr Turnover over, causing him to fall into the road and suffer head injuries.

Sergeant Burden said that there is no specific offence of causing death by dangerous cycling. There was only careless or dangerous driving, which the Crown Prosecution Service considered to be "too minor".(emphasis mine)

Instead the CPS decided to use the "wanton and furious driving charge" under the Offences Against the Person Act of 1861, which predates the invention of the internal combustion engine and can be more easily used for incidents off the road.

The CPS deciding a charge is too minor, my word I've come over all giddy are we through the looking glass now, let's hope so.

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The Charge of the Rohirrim

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Well I've done a Play and Music, but this not Film per se or Book, they may crop up later.

I can count the number of book to film transfers that I've seen that actually do justice to the book and the images it invoked in my head on the fingers of one hand ( To Kill A Mocking Bird is one, so you get the standard from that)

I've been a fan of the LOTR books from a young age, I could not count the times I reread them before the movies came out, when young you tend to identify with Frodo or Sam ( or even Merry and Pippin) as you get older Strider /Aragon and the Men of the West. All the time building images in your head of characters and battles.
I thought at the time that nobody could put those images on screen having been disappointed so many times before by adaptations of beloved books ( Judge Dredd anyone).

But (Here's where the Culture comes in) I was wrong, Fellowship of the Ring was great, The Two Towers with the battle at Helms Deep was awesome. So I took the day off to see Return of the King at Odeon Leicester Square.
It is not often that all components of a culture come together to produce something stunning , learning from all that has gone before, from the fantastic books and the literary tradition to adapting for the screen, but it did, Peter Jackson: Director , Andrew Lesnie: Cinematography and everybody else; actors, design, CGI (building on ILM ground breaking work) and so on

To me it all came together in one perfect moment, The Charge of the Rohirrim ,the vision in my head and the image on the screen were in sync. In my wildest dreams I never thought something like that would ever be captured on screen, my jaw actually dropped and I sat stunned and breathless by the magnificence of what had been wrought, when the film finished and after I'd dried my tears ("You my friends, bow to no one") I went out and bought a ticket for the next show because I knew if I didn't, I'd probably never see it again on a screen that size.

So if you have the DVD go put it on now and watch it again, if you don't, watch the below and then go buy the DVD and watch it on the biggest screen you can. I go round to my brothers' with his 50" plasma (when he's away on holiday and I'm 'watching the house' )with the complete set, plus Zulu, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Blade Runner, Henry V (Branagh) The Blues Brothers and the Matrix trilogy

"Now is the hour, Riders of Rohan, oaths you have taken, pledges you have made. Now fulfill them all to Lord and Land!"

Big Boys' Games, Big Boys' Rules

or
A Funny thing Happened On the Way To The Jihad


Scottish Sniper Kills Taliban Leader With Longest Shot*

A Scottish soldier has been praised for making the longest recorded kill in Afghanistan after shooting a top Taliban fighter from almost a mile away. Corporal Christopher Reynolds took out the Afghan drug lord during some of the hardest fighting of the war so far.

The 25-year-old, of 3 Scots, The Black Watch, kept watch on a shop rooftop for three days to eliminate the target. But he admitted the top-level Taliban fighter – known as Musa– was so far away it took him a couple of attempts to get the aim right



* Possibly means longest shot this year or by a British serviceman,
longest confirmed kill was by a Canadian sniper in Afghanistan in 2002 of 1.51 miles
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H/T Weasel Zippers

The King

Elvis Aaron Presley 1935-1977

You either like Elvis or you don't, I do.

He had a voice like a dirty angel, if your foot isn't tapping to 'Johnny-B-Goode, if a tear doesn't form to 'In the Ghetto', if the hairs on the back of your neck don't stand up hearing 'American Trilogy'. You might as well give up, you're already dead.

He could act too, but wasn't often given the chance, don't believe me, forget about all the 'Girls, Girls, Girls' schlock, go and watch 'King Creole'.

There are people in the world that wish to ban and destroy such music, it may seem small in the larger scheme of things, but it is one of the 'evils' of the West they wish to destroy. Which to me makes it acceptable for inclusion in 'Culture Wars'

Plus the fact that he was indeed 'The King' , now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to bed via a quick trip to the 'Heart Break Hotel' , you know the one that's down at the end of Lonely Street.

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An Essay from Leg Iron

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Leg Iron has posted what is possibly his best commentary on the state of Britain today and how it is the we have arrived at this point.

Please go and read and inwardly digest, wonder how we missed it, whether we could have stopped it and see if you can come up with ideas to turn it back.

Fear and Loathing in Birmingham.


Well done sir.

The Play's The Thing (Culture Wars 1)

To set the scene, some background: After successfully besieging and taking the French town of Harfleur, (“Once more unto the breech”) Henry V is leading his men across France to Calais and ships back to England. Henry and his men are exhausted, supplies are running low, the troops are malnourished and sick with typhus and it has been raining for days on end. Henry has just ordered that one of his boyhood friends be hung for stealing, when a herald (Montjoy) of the French King arrives:

MONTJOY
Thus says my king: Say thou to Harry of England:
Though we seemed dead, we did but sleep: advantage
is a better soldier than rashness. Tell him we
could have rebuked him at Harfleur, but that we
thought not good to bruise an injury till it were
full ripe: now we speak upon our cue, and our voice
is imperial: England shall repent his folly, see
his weakness, and admire our sufferance. Bid him
therefore consider of his ransom; which must
proportion the losses we have borne, the subjects we
have lost, the disgrace we have digested; which in
weight to re-answer, his pettiness would bow under.
For our losses, his exchequer is too poor; for the
effusion of our blood, the muster of his kingdom too
faint a number; and for our disgrace, his own
person, kneeling at our feet, but a weak and
worthless satisfaction. To this add defiance: and
tell him, for conclusion, he hath betrayed his
followers, whose condemnation is pronounced. So far
my king and master; so much my office.

KING HENRY V
What is thy name? I know thy quality.

MONTJOY
Montjoy.

KING HENRY V
Thou dost thy office fairly. Turn thee back.
And tell thy king I do not seek him now;
But could be willing to march on to Calais
Without impeachment: for, to say the sooth,
Though 'tis no wisdom to confess so much
Unto an enemy of craft and vantage,
My people are with sickness much enfeebled,
My numbers lessened, and those few I have
Almost no better than so many French;
Who when they were in health, I tell thee, herald,
I thought upon one pair of English legs
Did march three Frenchmen. Yet, forgive me, God,
That I do brag thus! This your air of France
Hath blown that vice in me: I must repent.
Go therefore, tell thy master here I am;
My ransom is this frail and worthless trunk,
My army but a weak and sickly guard;
Yet, God before, tell him we will come on,
Though France himself and such another neighbour
Stand in our way. There's for thy labour, Montjoy.
Go bid thy master well advise himself:
If we may pass, we will; if we be hinder'd,
We shall your tawny ground with your red blood
Discolour: and so Montjoy, fare you well.
The sum of all our answer is but this:
We would not seek a battle, as we are;
Nor, as we are, we say we will not shun it:
So tell your master.


Henry V Act 3 Scene 6

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Why? Well Henry V is an exciting play, it has battles and intrigues and some of Shakespeare’s best use of language, it shows the young Hal coming into his own as monarch and realising he has to put aside the friends of his youth and become the leader of his country.

Why this speech and not ‘Once more unto the breech’ or ‘We few, we happy few, we band of brothers’? I think this speech exemplifies British culture and the British people more than any other (and I say British because all are represented in Harry’s camp, Welsh, Scots, English and Irish). It’s the never give in, never say die spirit, The Duke of Wellington knew it, Winston knew it and Old Will knew it back in 1599. King Henry has just been told that the might of the French army is marching against him and his sickly, outnumbered army. Does he give in and offer terms?, no, he threatens back.

And tell thy king I do not seek him now; But could be willing to march on to Calais

He then even manages to insult the French, by suggesting even his weak and sickly crew are an even match for a similar amount of Frenchman, when before they were worth three, but he blames this on the French ‘air’ which it seems causes people to brag. Double zing, take that. Next I think comes the most important part of the speech where it concerns our culture. The British do not like being told what to do and they especially don’t like bullies, Napoleon found that out and so did Hitler. Yet even right up to the end Henry gives them a chance to back down,

If we may pass, we will; if we be hinder'd, We shall your tawny ground with your red blood Discolour:

There to me is the crux of it and it gives me some hope, the British people have been pushed and pushed, bullied and beat down by those that would deny our heritage and dilute our culture, how they must hate plays like this that celebrate what a great nation we once were. But I think the time is coming when we start to push back and then we will tell them.

We would not seek a battle, as we are;
Nor, as we are, we say we will not shun it:
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Estate Agents Back To Talking Bollocks

An Estate Agent ( file photo)

Undervaluing hitting home sales.

Property sales and remortgage deals are collapsing because some mortgage lenders and surveyors are deliberately undervaluing homes, estate agents say.

So the nasty banks are not believing them when they say what a property is worth and off they go to stamp their loafer clad feet. Well no shit Sherlock.

Now to me 'value' particularly when it comes to materiel things has always seemed to be a purely subjective on the part of the valuer, it has no intrinsic basis in the actual 'cost' of a thing.

Say you make a product, you think it's the best thing since sliced bread, you R&D, market it, price it ( materials, manufacture, R&D, marketing plus a bit of profit.) You put it on the shelves priced at £100.00.

Nobody buys one, not a single one. Now, what's its value? We know what its 'price' is, you know what its 'cost' is, but it has no value, because nobody wants one or is prepared to pay £100.00 for it.

Or it can go the other way, say everyone wants one, so many that in fact you can't produce enough, people start reselling them for £200, because it now has a perceived 'value' , the price is still £100 , it still costs the same to make it, but the perception of it's 'value' has now gained it's own momentum.

Let's get back to houses, property in this country was massively overvalued, I knew it , the banks knew it, the BOE knew it, Gordon as Chancellor knew it. If they say they didn't they are lying. The perception of properly 'values' was massively ramped by TV and Press , plus cheap lending.
But they were riding the crest of the wave and didn't want to rock the boat ( sorry to mix metaphors there)
I got sick and tired of hearing "Oh my flat cost me £170,000 but I just had it valued at £300,000" and I'd say " But that's not real money is it, you can't 'realise' that money unless you sell up and move into a dog kennel, plus all the others have gone up in price similarly, so you 've not 'made' anything"
Only to be told that "I knew nothing about the property market"

Back to the whinging Estate Agents, you just don't get it, banks are in the business of making money, they won't lend unless they have a very good chance of getting their money back plus interest ( well now at least, once bitten as they say).

So if they lend money to buy a house, they want to be pretty damn sure ( now at least) that if the worst happens and the customer defaults, they will be able to sell the property and recover at least the full amount of the loan and hopefully some of the lost interest and they think that will only happen at the lower valuation.

So you see Estate Agents, they don't perceive the same 'value' to property at the moment that you do, and that's not a bad thing. If you put a property on the market valued at say £300,000
and nobody wants to buy it at that price, what's its 'value' well at that price its value is NOTHING. However put it on the market at £250,000 and it sells, what's its 'value' now, well its value is now £250,000 to the person who bought it and the bank who lent them the money and only them. It has not been 'undervalued' if it didn't sell at the higher price it had in fact been overvalued.

I still think property in the UK is massively overvalued ( but that is as I say only my perception), in some part this is due to lack of properties at the bottom end of the market and also people trying to cling onto the fictitious supposed 'gains' they made in the boom.

So in short Estate Agents SHUT THE FUCK UP

If you found these demented ramblings confusing ( I know I did) the excellent Mark Wadsworth has a more numberly and less wordy dissection over at his place.
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