I’ve just watched the first episode of the new series of ‘The Thick Of It’. I know, my bad, very late.
The writing and acting are as good as ever, best quote
“You are a human fucking dartboard and Eric fucking Bristow is on the oche flinging a million darts made of human shit at you.”
Malcolm Tucker
Click to open ‘The Unspoken Constitution’’
It is often said by the PTB that we do not require a written constitution as we have an ‘unspoken constitution’ in the UK, a system of Laws and Rights gathered through the ages that apply to and are understood by all. If you don’t understand it the PTB will tell you what it means.
The Democratic Audit have written down the constitution as it applies today.
Like with all good satire, it is too close to the bone to be ha-ha funny and just a little disturbing.
The worrying thing is, I can see ‘Call Me Dave’ our next Prime Minister’ signing up to this like a shot if it was presented in his first Parliament.
Go read it, laugh and then ponder.
I started several posts about this, but got lost along the way in the sheer stupidity of the whole exercise.
Read the article, if you can coherently post your feelings, because I can’t, I’d love to read it. All I’m going to do just add a few comments of my own to certain bits.
A growing army of diversity 'missionaries' who scrutinise children's relationships
WTF is a ‘Diversity Missionary’ I don’t read The Guardian so probably haven’t seen this job advertised.
Where do they come from? Who gave then access to schools?
Now I know where the professionally offended go during work time.
'But most of these 'racist incidents' are just kids falling out. They don't need re-educating out of their prejudice - they and their teachers need to be left alone.'
No, children don’t have prejudice, they have to be taught that, and that’s what you’re doing.
One teacher told researchers that anti-racist interventions had led to 'an absolutely awful atmosphere around the school'.
No shit Sherlock
'Children who used to play beautifully together are starting to separate along racial lines,' the teacher said.
And again, as with so much delivered in the last 12 year The Law of Unintended Consequences bites us hard on the ass.
Although I’m sure the ‘Diversity Missionaries’ will just declaim that it proves their point that we are all ‘racist’.
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The leaves of autumn,
Drunk on a thousand sunsets,
Clothe themselves in flames.
H. Lynnea Johnson,
Cheryl Cole : My 'nemesis' will get me
I wonder who it could be, Superman , Batman, Captain America, Spiderman, Wolverine or even Nemesis the Warlock.
I can’t wait to find out, although personally I’m hoping it’s Brick-Top
(NB Language NSFW)
Council To Buy Back Land Squatted On By Gypsies For £450,000
So far, so very face/palm UK 2009
But what caught my eye was this quote hidden in the middle of the article.
A council spokesman said.
'There would be no cost to the council for this proposal, with all the money coming from central Government. “
Where the fuck do you think central Government gets that money from then you fuckwit. that’s right from the same council tax payers that you are supposed to work for, from all their other taxes. So it’s spread a bit thinner as it’s from national robbery rather than your local council tax robbery, so that’s OK? is it you complete and utter wank-stain.
Oh by the way cunt bubble, it’s coming out of your taxes as well, but that’s OK as you’re paid out of taxes it’s just part of the Ourobouros that is Government today.
When will Government both Local and National get it through their thick stupid fucking heads it is not your money to piss up the wall as you will.
Somebody has to earn it, before you can spunk it and they are getting pretty pissed off.
A question asked on another blog was
“Can you think of anything in the last 12 years out of the amount of money that Labour has thrown at things, that has actually benefited you personally?”
And do you know after 2 solid days, I can’t think of a fucking thing.
In fact my life has got considerably more unpleasant.
Rant ends.
More Momiji later.
Kiyomizu-dera Temple - Kyoto
Momiji - Kyoto
I once read of a game like a non-fatal Russian Roulette called Lottery Roulette. The way to play is you pick your lottery numbers, but you don’t buy a ticket.
You then sit and watch the lottery show.
It seems this chap did a similar thing with the gee-gees albeit inadvertently.
Forgetful gambler loses out on £170,000
A gambler thought he had won £170,000 on a flutter on the horses – until he realised he had forgotten to actually make the bet.
The 48-year-old hotelier celebrated in his local bookies as his first horse, Tres Amigos, passed the winning post.
But then confused BetFred manager Darren Baxter asked why he was so happy and Mr Harper found the slip in his pocket and had to watch as every horse he had bet on came in.
Shit, how sick would you be. Also knowing that that was it, the big one and the chance of it happening again was so remote as to be incalculable.
click to make bigger
Everyone (see right) seems to have blogged the hell out of the weekend news and I’m stunningly lacking in inspiration. So another post from the photo archive.
I used to walk past this billboard in Tokyo everyday on my walk to the subway to get to work.
Being as the Japanese are not known for profound views on the pros and cons of animal welfare, being mainly concerned with whether a creature is either ‘tasty’ or Not tasty’. I thought it was nice to see that some group had put up a sign about anti-whaling.
Sadly this was not the case.
I can’t remember what the discussion in the office started as. But one day it got on to the subject of Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth etc. A Japanese colleague mentioned there was a growing awareness amongst the youth, but it was still very small and hardly noticeable. ‘But,’ I said ‘I pass an anti-whaling billboard every morning’. ‘I don’t think so’ he replied
So I took the above photo and took it into the office the next day. It caused much amusement amongst the Japanese there when it was explained what I thought it was for.
You see it’s actually a Pro-Whaling billboard
Basically what I was told it says is along the lines of.
Eat More Whales
Whales are now back to their pre-whaling numbers, so we should be able to eat them again.
Whale meat is tasty and good for you
Note: If anyone can provide a more accurate translation for my records, I would be most grateful.
Today is the anniversary of The Battle of Agincourt a historic feat of arms in which a rag tag, sickly army of English, Welsh, Scots & Irish decisively defeated a numerically superior French army. It has been immortalised in book and most importantly in a play and yet now I would imagine there is not a person in Britain under the age of 18 who has ever heard of it.
However, this year and probably for years to come, it is more significant to me personally, as it would have been my Grandad’s 86th birthday. He died this year on the 9th January.
He was many things in his life, not least of which was; apprentice, soldier, husband, worker, father, grandfather and great-grandfather. He was loved by all and was the quintessential ‘gentle’ man.
And yet
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Apart from his family, that of which he was most proud, was the time he stood on the wall and said “This far and no further’” with his band of brothers.
Happy Birthday Grandad, Rest in Peace and Thank You
Thomas John Lee
25th October 1923 – 9th January 2009
Royal Marine Commando 1941-1946
‘Per Mare, Per Terram’
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As I mentioned in the previous post, I went to see Green Day at the O2 Arena last night.
It was fantastic,
What a proper concert should be, minimal set, all about the music.
They were on stage continuous for 2 hours 20mins, Billy Joe Armstrong never stopped running (not bad for a 37 year old)
The first 50 minutes or so were tracks from the new album 21st Century Breakdown
Followed by the rest of the show being a retrospective from previous albums and fan favourites.
All finished by an acoustic performance of ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends’ and ‘’Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)’.
Truly a great gig.
Now I should post some grainy footage taken from 400 feet away on a 3 mega pixel mobile phone camera. But I won’t because I’m not a fucking twat and think it will actually come out.
To the girl sitting next to me, I have a 10.2 megapixel camera with a 300mm zoom lens and I know that even if I was allowed to take it in, that at that distance with the high ISO I’d have to use, the leads singers face will be approximately 6 pink pixels when enlarged, so I wouldn’t bother, you are fucking moron (and all the rest of you, you know who you are, I saw your pathetic camera flashes from even further away than I was.)
So proper videos then.
From the new album.
And a personal favourite ( on so many levels)
As I believe the young people call a music concert these days.
I am meeting up with old friends to see the popular (I am told) beat combo Green Day in a performance at the O2 Arena. Apparently they perform what is called ‘Moroccan Roll ‘music, which should be a treat.
But seriously, it should be a good night out. I’ve not been to the O2 before and due to financial circumstances my options for ‘going out’ have been strictly curtailed for some time.
In fact the last ‘gig’ I went to was Steven Seagal at The Woodville Halls, Gravesend on the ‘Mojo Priest’ Tour.
Big shoes to fill Green Day boys. I hope you can deliver.
"I said that a lot of people find the sight of two grown men kissing in public really creepy.”
Nick Griffin –BBC Question Time
Well not ‘creepy’. But it would make me uncomfortable.
Then again I find most PDA’s ( Public Displays of Affection) make me feel uncomfortable and sometimes a little nauseous.
Whether it’s two men, a man and a woman, a man and a sheep ( Wales only) or even two women ( I know, I should have my bloke card removed).
Holding hands, a simple peck on the cheek or lips, fine.
Tonsil hockey, trying to climb inside the other person clothes, frottage. No, for fucks sake get a room.
Popped into the local Kwik-E-Mart last night for some baccy and was greeted with these post cards piled up on the counter.
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First it should be noted that an Alcohol Unit is not an SI Unit it is a made up figure, it has no recognition in serious science, in fact even between nanny states they can’t agree on what a Standard Unit is. Treating it as if it is, is disingenuous.
However what business is it of my local council to spend my money on these (badly) printed cards.
For fucks sake, mend the roads, change the street lights, clear the drains, you know all the things we fucking pay you to do.
And don’t cite ‘Public Heath’ your contribution to public heath is clearing rubbish and making sure the drains don’t back up. Leave the rest to Govt and the Quango’s they get quite enough of our money as it is.
Leave us the fuck alone.
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From plane of light to plane, wings dipping through
Geometries and orchids that the sunset builds,
Out of the peak's black angularity of shadow, riding
The last tumultuous avalanche of
Light above pines and the guttural gorge,
The hawk comes.
His wing
Scythes down another day, his motion
Is that of the honed steel-edge, we hear
The crashless fall of stalks of Time.
The head of each stalk is heavy with the gold of our error.
Look! Look! he is climbing the last light
Who knows neither Time nor error, and under
Whose eye, unforgiving, the world, unforgiven, swings
Into shadow.
Long now,
The last thrush is still, the last bat
Now cruises in his sharp hieroglyphics. His wisdom
Is ancient, too, and immense. The star
Is steady, like Plato, over the mountain.
If there were no wind we might, we think, hear
The earth grind on its axis, or history
Drip in darkness like a leaking pipe in the cellar.
Evening Hawk – Robert Penn Warren
Following on from The Mega Tamago.
Burger King Japan have launched a limited edition ‘Windows 7 Whopper’ with 7 beef patties.
mmmmmm tasty , it’s a bit pricey though at ¥777 that’s about £5.15
click to engorge
h/t BuzzFeed.com
I’m afraid I ‘spliced the main brace’ a little too hard last night in honour of our Jolly Jack Tars ( see previous post)
Thusly I am feeling as rough as a shaved badgers arse at present.
Therefore there will be a short intermission, whilst I get involved with bacon, full fat Coca-Cola, eggs, HP Sauce and bread in some combination.
*For younger readers, there was a time, which now seems so long ago. when there wasn’t enough ‘content’ to run even a full daytime TV schedule (I know, hard to believe with the amount of shite polluting the airwaves now).
Such gaps in programming would be filled with film of a man making a pot or my personal favourite, a river bank or even just a Test Card.
As The Quiet Man reminds me ( although he shouldn't need to, my bad) , today is Trafalgar Day
So in their honour I will be ‘splicing the main brace’ this evening
And perhaps to show how far down we have come since then an old joke.
Battle Of Trafalgar 2009
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness, and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy."
An Out-Door Kharzi
An In-Door Kharzi
A Cockney Kharzi
A Happy Kharzi
A Completely Fucked, Cheating Khazai
* Yes, I do find the fact that a leader of a country’s name is also slang for the toilet funny. I also find the word ‘member’ endlessly amusing and I still snigger at ‘Rear Admiral’
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Which we weren’t. I just thought I’d mention that for the last week, I’ve been editing & publishing this blog using Windows Live Writer 2009 .
So far I’m liking it. I found the Blogger editor a bit clunky, the preview often didn’t actually show properly, the new Blogger editor if anything was a step back.
But as you can see, even the edit pane in Live Writer is pretty WYSIWYG.
I especially like the fact that you can get your hyperlinks to open in a new tab/window rather than forcing readers away from the page. ( You have to go into the HTML to do this in Blogger)
It’s very easy to set up, sucks your template off the web and away you go.
I should add a couple of things that I’m not so happy with are;
If you want a thumbnail to link to a larger version, It will upload the picture to your Picasa album. But if your picture is larger than say 600*600 it will automatically resize it to view. The Blogger does not do this and links to the original size. But if that's the case, you can edit the post in Live Writer, publish to DRAFT and then add the picture. Which is how I can do this. from a previous post or the picture above.
Using Live Writer the image comes out as this and you can’t see any of the detail I wanted to show.
You can’t as yet schedule posts, but you can publish to DRAFT in Blogger then go in a set the schedule time.
Not enormous mountains, I think you’ll agree.
I don’t know if it works in Wordpress, so sorry if it doesn’t.
But I think it’s helping give me a more consistent L&F
UPDATE: Sept 2010 Most of the stuff I moaned about above has now been fixed (except the scheduling)
Prime Minister congratulated Jenson Button, why not me?
“I’ve not had a phone call yet from the Prime Minister,” Beth Tweddle said yesterday. “Jenson Button got one, but I haven’t. I’m clearly not important enough.”
I think you’re very, very lucky. considering Gordon's previous in well wishing and congratulations. If he had have done you’d most likely be spending next year on your back in a full body cast.
Not for nothing is he known as The Jonah
But if it counts for anything, you can have a ‘Well Done’ from me. (and I didn’t say that about Jenson Button)
Click 4 largerGiven that everything that comes out of The Prime Mentalist is either a lie or just plain wrong. (Backed by some of the most duplicitous tossers and liars in history and that’s just the Cabinet)
We can safely assume that all the guff about MMGW , Climate Change was indeed just a scam to get more tax money from the proles and bind us tighter in thrall to them through intemperate legislation.
The UK faces a "catastrophe" of floods, droughts and killer heatwaves if world leaders fail to agree a deal on climate change, the prime minister has warned.
Gordon Brown said negotiators had 50 days to save the world from global warming and break the "impasse".
Now can I have my light bulbs back, you twunts.
EDIT: As always The Devil does it better
at least I assume they were his friends and they didn’t just shanghai some passing disabled person.
Man in wheelchair left on Snowdon
Rescuers had to help a man in a wheelchair down Snowdon after a group of people who had carried him there left him on his own during the ascent.
The six martial arts enthusiasts were taking part in a fundraising record attempt and had carried the man up Llanberis Path.
They decided to leave him before they reached the peak, and were too tired when they returned to carry him down.
It may well be I’m judging too harshly and the wheelchair user pulled a Captain Oates with a “Go on lads, leave me here, it’s for Charideeeee” Little suspecting they would be too knackered on the way down to pick him up.
However I would think being a ‘Martial Arts Enthusiast’ would entail a perhaps higher degree of fitness than normal though and some pre-training would have been done. But perhaps, as no discipline is mentioned, Martial arts Enthusiast just means a group of blokes who like watching Bruce Lee movies.
I do hope they get sent a bill though.
And maybe next time the wheelchair guy should be in one of these.
She's also an inexplicable half-inch away from being wonderfully attractive. In the right light she's almost gorgeous, but then she opens her mouth and suddenly you realise she's not that pretty, she's not that bright and - worst sin of all - she has no sense of humour .
Gyles Brandreth on Harriet Harman
( Excerpt from his diary on 15/06/1993 )
Nothing much has changed in 16 years, except the distance involved is more like 3 feet now.
From
Something Sensational To Read In The Train by Gyles Brandreth
I don’t know much about economics on a grand scale, we were given a couple of overview classes in the 6th form, but the subject didn’t ‘grab’ me.
But something the teacher said has stuck with me through the years, going along with life it seemed to hold true, but we were told it was incorrect by the PTB and we just didn’t understand the economics.
What he told us was ( and he may have been quoting )
The difference between doing business in the USA and in Great Britain is this.
In the USA a business will say “How low can we price this product and still make a profit?”
In Great Britain, they will say “How much can we charge for this product and still get away with it?”
Simplistic I admit, but I think it holds true. (you only have to compare prices on Amazon.com and Amazon UK, is it really a straight Dollar for Pound equivalency)
And here we have some more shenanigans that seem to bear this out..
Food giants cut back on product size but prices remain the same
Supermarkets and leading food companies have reduced the size of their products but failed to pass on cost reductions to their customers.
I am sure there are sound ‘economic’ reasons for this though, lets have a look at the excuses.
“In this instance, the Tesco Value chocolate digestives became an 18-biscuit pack as part of a routine range review. This happened to coincide with an increase in commodity costs.”
cough BULLSHIT cough
As a result we made some changes to the seasoning blend in each pot. The changes represented the majority of the reduction in overall weight of the beef and tomato product.
“At no time this year have we changed the price of Pot Noodle to retailers. Any changes to the prices in stores will have been implemented by retailers.”
Bollocks
.Weight Watchers, which sells a range of low-calorie food, said that it had reduced the weight of its popular Cookies & Cream sundaes after customer requests for smaller pots.
That’s not even trying
Someone with a better knowledge of economics will no doubt fisk me and tell me I’m wrong, but my perception of it, is that we are still being ripped off and the explanations hold no water.
Warning Note: If you are ever looking for an image to illustrate an article DO NOT type ‘Businessman arse raping customer’ into Google image search with the filter ‘OFF’. Something's cannot be unseen.
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I’ve been at the ‘puter solid for the last few days, tweaking the CV yet again, sending spec emails and filling in application forms.
In doing so I’ve been listening to Absolute Radio, it’s actually pretty good for someone of my age, plenty of 80’s and 90’s (Although they do seem to have a love affair with the dreadful Lily Allen and the Amy Winehouse version of ‘Valerie’ but you can go make a cup of tea then.)
I happened to notice a certain theme recurring during the advert breaks, so I decided to keep a note.
During every advert break one or often times two, of the following were ‘advertised’.
Job Centre Plus - (DWP)
Anti Smoking - (NHS)
Hepatitis C Warning – (NHS)
Replacing Paper Driving Licence (DVLA)
Driving without insurance - (DVLA, DoT, and I’m sure HMRC)
The Carbon Trust - (Fake Charity)
The Energy Saving Trust - (Fake Charity)
Anti-Speeding – (DoT, HSE)
All day, for the whole day. every 20-25 minutes
In the end I got fed up with this relentless hectoring, I started up iTunes and put it on shuffle.
So nice work HMG , you just cost Absolute Radio a listener.
However it’s only going to get worse, it now seems that the Government is to become the UK’s largest advertiser.
It increased spend by 20% last year to £178 mio pounds, fuck knows how much they are spending this year, but if my (ahem) survey is any indication, it’s a shed load.
Edit: Fido at The Lone Voice has some thoughts on the TV versions
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Then out spoke brave Horatius, the Captain of the Gate:
"To every man upon this earth, death cometh soon or late;
And how can man die better than facing fearful odds,
For the ashes of his fathers, and the temples of his Gods,
And for the tender mother who dandled him to rest,
And for the wife who nurses his baby at her breast,
And for the holy maidens who feed the eternal flame,
To save them from false Sextus, that wrought the deed of shame?
Hew down the bridge, Sir Consul, with all the speed ye may!
I, with two more to help me, will hold the foe in play.
In yon strait path, a thousand may well be stopped by three:
Now, who will stand on either hand and keep the bridge with me?'
Then out spake Spurius Lartius; a Ramnian proud was he:
"Lo, I will stand at thy right hand and keep the bridge with thee."
And out spake strong Herminius; of Titian blood was he:
"I will abide on thy left side, and keep the bridge with thee."
"Horatius," quoth the Consul, "as thou sayest, so let it be."
And straight against that great array forth went the dauntless Three.
For Romans in Rome's quarrel spared neither land nor gold,
Nor son nor wife, nor limb nor life, in the brave days of old.
Then none was for a party; then all were for the state;
Then the great man helped the poor, and the poor man loved the great.
Then lands were fairly portioned; then spoils were fairly sold:
The Romans were like brothers in the brave days of old.
Excerpt from Horatius by Lord Thomas Babington Macaulay
A Typical Judges View of Travellers
Judge rules travellers who illegally developed Green Belt land on bank holiday 'had best intentions'
Of course they did and I’m the Emperor Charlemagne and I painted the Sistine Chapel
I am actually beginning to despair, I didn’t before, I always thought we’d come out OK on the other side, but with the constant grind of this sort of shit and this. ( h/t Julia M).. It all seems a bit hopeless
Editor*: Posting is late today as Mr Pavlov’s Cat started several posts about MP’s, Police inaction, government stupidity and so on. But he finished up just pounding the keyboard with his fists and screaming “CUUUUUNTS” at the monitor. Application of Guinness was prescribed and he seems a lot calmer.
* Note there is no Editor
It seems John Virgo is the latest celebrity to fall foul of the professionally offended
John Virgo in new BBC race gaffe
As Ding struggled against his Australian opponent, Neil Robertson, Virgo lamented the Chinese player's shortcomings and said: "I think there's a chink in his armour."
There used to be a phrase used when I was younger, that I think is most apt.
“Grow Up And Get A Life!”
I was driving along last night and one of those adverts came on the radio about driving without insurance.
You know one of those government adverts that along with The Energy Saving Trust et. al. seem to be propping up commercial radio and TV.
It was all about fines , illegal, blah blah blah. we will catch you, we have eyes everywhere, crush your car . all real Big Brother stuff.
Then Mr Puddlecoat posted about The AA advising that a Postal Strike will be no excuse for not having paid or proof of having paid your Vehicle Excise Duty and/or Car Insurance and directed me to www.askMID.com and they remind me that.
Right now, we want to help you learn more about the value and social importance of insurance, particularly as you may be one of the many people looking at ways to cut back on your spending because of the recession.
Driving without insurance is a criminal offence. Hundreds of thousands of people are convicted every year for taking to the road without a valid insurance policy. The police seize about 500 uninsured vehicles every day. You can’t afford not to … Stay Insured.
Now, my question is this (and I’ve asked people before, to no answer)
How did it come about that not having Car Insurance is a Criminal Offence? Subject to very stringent penalties, it is enforced by the State* costing I would imagine millions in admin per year.
Yet the only way you can get this insurance is to buy it from a private company.
A private company that exists for the profit of it’s shareholders, who are definately not you, with no restrictions on what they can charge. They can take a hit elsewhere, then up the premiums for the car driver, after all its ILLEGAL not to have car insurance, you have to come to them.
Yes, there is sort of a market and you can shop around, but only normally for a couple of hundred quid. Add on top that, they will squeal like stuck pigs and wriggle every which way to avoid paying out if you actually try to claim, it seems a nice little earner. (and also they can refuse to insure you, by pricing you out of the market, a friend was recently quoted £2000 Third Party F&T for her 18 year old son for a £500 car)
"What does the State get out of this?" You ask. Well if you look at the small print on your policy you will find something called IPT, that stands for Insurance Premium Tax and it’s 5% , so if your policy is £500.00 you pay £525.00. Twenty five quid to the State. Nice.
And that’s on all insurance premiums , travel, home, medical, buildings etc. any time you take out an insurance the State adds 5% IPT. Did you know that? I confess until I worked for a company that offered insurance as part of it’s service package, I didn’t.
But I digress. So can somebody tell me, when was the deal done between the insurance industry and the State with regard to car insurance? Was it because the State was not ready or equipped to cope?. Were there shady deals done in back rooms? Whichever it was, the State and the insurance industry have done pretty well out of it. I can't think of another private industry that has the State policing it's revenue stream. It was good deal however it came about (obviously not for us though).
I am not in favour of the State interfering in peoples lives, but given the seemingly huge amount of uninsured drivers (for whatever reason) perhaps we should look to at least 3rd party being included in fuel prices, even 18 year olds and pikeys have to buy petrol (and not forgetting Motorists Of No Appearence).
Anything extra; fire, theft, fully comprehensive, people can then go to the insurance companies, and pay what the meerkat dictates, IF THEY WANT TO . The State can drop the IPT and charge VAT, if they bleat, fuck ’em. Simples
Otherwise we should all go for Romanian Pikey Insurance
* I'm using State rather than government, as no one has actually from whatever political party in government has ever addressed or tried to change this, they are all as bad as each other and are just the State.
Gordon Brown Announces Worlds Biggest Boot Sale
A last feeble clutching of straws from the demented son of the manse.
Gordon Brown is to announce the sale of £16bn-worth of assets by the government in a bid to shore up public finances
But what’s he got to sell?
You see Maggie sold off the family silver that was North Sea Oil & Gas and continued to sell anything else of value, like a greedy daughter who just moved mother into the care home. She sold our water, electricity, even the railways. All eagerly grabbed up by Johnny Foreigner who knows a good deal when he sees one.
Then you Gordon, yes you, sold our Gold Reserves off at rock bottom prices, even being such a lame brained fuckwit to tell the world you were just about to dump tons of gold into the market, so depressing the price even further.
So what’s left?, The banks the government bought with OUR money are so toxic nobody will want them (the rest are owned by foreigners anyway).
So it’s cupboard under the sink time, you know where the sandwich maker lives that you used only once , the bread maker that you thought it would be lovely to have fresh bread every morning, but was a bastard to clean. The children's toys that they’ve grown out of and there’s only a few bits missing.
Pile it all in the Zafrira and let’s have a Boot Sale.
The prime minister will give details of initial sales that could raise £3bn - including the Tote, the Dartford crossing and the student loan book.
What next? Obviously the Post Office, but then; the roads, the motorways, the rivers, Naval bases, Air force bases, The National Gallery?, we have precious few things that are still publically owned, soon nothing, we will be an entirely foreign owned PLC.
I can’t see you raising £30 let alone £3 bio . You see when people know you are desperate to sell, they won’t pay top prices and as I said Johnny Foreigner knows a good deal when he sees one.
And what happens afterwards? once they’re gone, it’s no use complaining when Johnny Foreigner puts the price of crossing the Thames up to £10.00 each way. We have seen the way that worked with gas, electric and water prices. They’ll just tell you to “Get Le Stuffed”. ( or ask for a subsidy to bring prices down, like the railways)
I just have one thing to add Gordon. THEY ARE NOT YOURS TO SELL, THEY ARE OURS! We paid for them, you were given no mandate in this or any other Labour parliament to sell anything OWNED BY US.
Please, please just fuck off and leave us alone. Anything has to be better than you and your Government Of All Turds
and we shall have snow.
I am the only one hoping for the first frost of the season tonight.
Greenpeace activists clamber on to Houses of Parliament in climate change protest
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I know this is just a human ( or in this case lobster) interest filler story
Bomb-loving lobster Lionel explodes after detonation
But what caught my eye was this quote.
Unfortunately, the bomb disposal unit have a job to do and it wasn't possible to save Lionel,' said a coastguard spokesman.
'We've had a moment's silence for him, though, because he was no doubt blown to smithereens.'
“Smithereens” fantastic, I can’t recall the last time I heard it, let alone saw it in print. I shall make every effort today to include it in conversation.
For the younger readers
Small fragments; atoms. Usually in phrases to knock, split, blow (etc.) to or into, to go to, smithereens.
[var. of next, with Irish diminutive ending, and either adopted from, or the source of, mod.Ir. smidirín.]
I don’t know what story triggered this.
COME AND SEE OUR HOT LESBIANS, SAYS SWINDON
But The Daily Mash may owe me a new keyboard for this line.
'Luton: the town where breasts are made'.*
*I always thought it was Dublin, they grow tits there like nobodies business. I think it’s the weather.
EDIT: And just as I’ve got it dry again, that Bastard Clown comes in with this “Three What?”
I may have to invest in a waterproof keyboard
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Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticise others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
The Optimists Creed – Christian Larson c.1920
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Waldo
Following on from The Filthy Engineer and Cat Bathing and Al Jahom’s Taking The Cat to The Vet . Here’s another oldie.
How To Give Your Cat A Tablet
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding tablet in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop tablet into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve tablet from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy tablet away.
4. Take new tablet from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push tablet to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve tablet from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse/partner from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse/partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop tablet down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another tablet from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse/partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put tablet in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure tablet not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse/partner's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another tablet. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick tablet down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last tablet from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push tablet into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash tablet down.
14. Get spouse/partner to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of tablet from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
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Can anyone explain to me why?
School closes over staff accident
Hundreds of pupils at a West Sussex secondary school have been told to stay at home after a member of staff was involved in a car crash.
There must be more to this, right?. Closing an entire Secondary School ( note secondary school , not infants or juniors) in the middle of the week. I’m sure it would be the main topic of conversation amongst ‘the kids’ and perhaps cause some disruption, but that can be handled.
Or perhaps unlike Suffolk or Essex they don’t have a crack team of counsellors on stand-by at a moments notice, to pull on their Crocs, swig down their wheat grass smoothie and rush to the scene of the ‘trauma’ in their Hybrid cars.
Oh and by the way Head Teacher Jules White (FFS a head teacher called Jules that should answer all my questions.)
Jules White said there had been a "sudden and serious accident involving a member of staff".
All accidents are sudden, if they weren’t, you could prevent them and they wouldn't be accidents, idiot.
Tambridge School’s motto is Learning together, caring for each other
How very ‘touchy – feely’ (but not in a nonce way
click for larger Satanic proof
I’ll leave that up to the folks at Biased BBC
But I find it strange that on the reporting of the fact that the UK has slipped out of the UN Top Twenty Best Places To Live report.
The Daily Mail headlines the article
UK trails in 21st place as UN crowns Norway the best place in the world to live
Whilst The Daily Telegraph headlines as;
Britain slips out of top 20 best countries to live in
Yet if you read the BBC report
Norway 'the best place to live'
It is only 5 sentences from the bottom that you actually find out where we rank and then as an almost aside after telling us the USA’s ranking.
It will be interesting to see how the other MSM report it, if at all
It’s also one more item William Hague can add to his list.
Makes a change from them* ‘taking the piss’ out of us the rest of the time.
Police Apology Over Urine Bottles
A senior police officer in Derbyshire has offered an "unreserved" apology after more than 100 bottles of urine were left near a public footpath.
*NOTE: I am not talking about the rank and file most of who are decent chaps trying to do a difficult job with their hands tied, only the senior ranks and the ACPO.
Of the current state of British politics. As shown by a series of images representing a well known phrase or saying.
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