Woman sues restaurant over falling moose head
The moose head, with 3-foot-wide antlers, plummeted off a wall at the Scandinavian-themed White Slab Palace restaurant on October 4 and hit her.
She says she suffered a concussion and other injuries.
It doesn’t mention if she then went on to insult a group of German tourists, beat up a Spanish waiter or perform a silly walk.
Which is shame if she didn’t, as you seldom get such sit-com reference goodness.
h/t The Metro
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With the new job, access to the interwebs is severely curtailed during the day.
But I do get home in time for the BBC 6.00pm News , which at present is novel and thus enjoyable. Although I’m sure the amount of blatant BBC Bias will soon with have me hurling abuse at the screen along with the best of them.
However my digestion of the days events as presented by the lovely Michal Husain was tonight somewhat distracted.
What on earth is she wearing round her neck?
Is she being attacked by a Triffid ?
Or is it one of those ring puzzles that she got for Christmas and hasn’t worked out how to remove yet ?
Michal Husain
(click pic for larger)
UPDATE: 10:30pm
It’s OK it’s not a Triffid
Obviously just one of those silly metal ring puzzles.
Look she’s almost got it off now
click pic for larger
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It seems The Daily Mail had this weeks edition of Private Eye delivered late.
From my copy of Private Eye purchased Wednesday 23rd December
click for larger
The Daily Mail Online version published Monday 28th December
Online version here
I am in the market for a new pair of daps, I thought I was going to have settle for another pair of Merrill's.
That is until the 2010 Adidas Originals Star Wars Collection caught my eye.
But what to chose, Stormtrooper or Death Star? (Click for larger)
click for enormous
Britain's biggest bullock unveiled (tipping the scales at almost two tons)
I’ve already expressed my concern over the breeding of huge frikking horses
And not a week goes by without Mark Wadsworth bringing to our attention further attacks by bellicose bovines
Perhaps we should actually think of making them smaller and not actually capable of world domination, about the size of an anteater would do it.
PS: Oh, and naming them after high ranking military officers isn’t helping matters.
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Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Invictus - William Ernest Henley
you can click to embiggen if you wish
A Happy Christmas Day to you all.
For those of you spending the day as you wish have a great time and for those of us not spending the day as we would wish, try and enjoy it and remember it’s only once a year (and there’s always the drink).
God Bless Us Everyone.
Being as I am now a civil servant (albeit on contract) we have Christmas Eve off which is nice.
I don’t have to be back in the office until the 29th December.
However I nearly didn’t make it, having almost burst some internal organs trying to contain the mirth that occurred when all the ladies in the office went around saying to each other.
“Merry Christmas, See you next Tuesday!”
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I’m not a fan of F1 but this got me thinking.
Schumacher eager to tackle young guns
A fired-up Michael Schumacher is ready to put Formula One's young guns in their place as he chases an eighth world title next year.
Whilst definitely skilful Schumacher was brutal driver, not adverse to using his car as a weapon.
So this announcement reminded me of the Speech Day games of rugby at my old school, The First XV vs. The Old Boys XV.
The Old Boys may have lost a step on the youngsters and gained more than a few pounds in weight.
But they more than made up for it in low cunning, dirty tricks and down right viciousness. God help any fleet footed 6th form winger who managed to get past once, he was certain to be clothes lined the next time he had the ball and his ankle stamped on as he was being helped up.
Watching a 40 year old, 23 stone prop pound a 17 year olds head into the mud was not pleasant. I’m not sure it they are allowed to be played anymore.
I’m not suggesting Schumacher would resort to cheating, but he certainly knows how to play the game to the limit (and a bit beyond), May be I’m wrong, but if not next seasons F1 might actually be worth watching.
For those who did not have the joy of experiencing what I just described , Monty Python got it pretty much spot on* in The Meaning of Life.
*even down to my old schools colours, but we had blue shorts.
First let me apologise for the dearth of blogging. I have backslid on my own commitment to a post a day. Mea culpa
It seems I had underestimated how slack the old brain cells had got over the past few months and so the new job is proving quite taxing. At the end of the day I am quite frankly pooped.
Rest assured I am still following the musings of all you fine people listed to the left.
Anyway to the meat of the post, I have to admit I am a ’humbug’ as far as Christmas is concerned, I’m not going to try and justify it, it’s just the way I am.
But yesterday in the post arrived middle brothers Christmas present, something that I am actually looking forward to.
So on Boxing Day, we will all be round to his for lunch, followed by an afternoon of entertaining children and party games.
Then once the children have been packed off with their parents and the elderly relatives delivered back to their domiciles ( of course walked to the door to ensure no burglars lurk inside and hips remain unbroken for another day)
We shall then settle down with a selection of fruit and cheeses (mainly Stilton). Port for him and probably Campbells Rutherglen Muscat dessert wine for me.
And so, on his 42 inch Sony plasma, plugged through his excellent sound system we shall watch his Christmas present.
We shall enjoy.
Old and Busted
New Hotness
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(click images for larger to compare)
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Due to lack of forward planning, I just had to brave the outdoors for a trip to the Qwik-E-Mart to get some baccy.
Fully kitted out in walking boots, lined trousers & Gortex layers, I sallied forth.
Now our little suburban warren has seen neither hide nor hair of a gritting vehicle and it’s not well travelled enough for wheel friction to wear away the compacted snow, so you can at least walk in the wheel ruts.
Add to this, I believe the temperature just peeked above Zero giving a molecule thin layer of water on top the ice, thus creating a near frictionless surface.
Imagine if you will a dancing bear, on ice skates, put on a teflon floor and prodded with invisible brooms.
Well that was me.
I managed to stay upright, but I swear at one point I performed a perfect Triple Salco that would have got 6.0 ‘s across the board from the judges (except maybe the Russian judge, the bitch)
Still Metcheck predicts snow for 6.00am so it might give some surer footing for the morrow.
Being as I used the title, it’s only fair to play the song.
Enjoy and be safe.
Uncle Joe
Stalin merely ‘controversial’ according to The Independent
The crude and ominous captions scrawled beneath them in red or blue pencil are unmistakeably in the hand of Joseph Stalin.
They offer an extraordinary insight into the mind of one of the 20th century's most controversial characters.
Good grief
Surely if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that Uncle Joe was one of the most evil, brutal, murderous dictators of the the 20th Century.
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Just finished my first full week of employment after many moons.
As weeks go It was pretty full on; inductions, workshops and the like, lot’s to learn and digest.
So to use the vernacular, I am cream-crackered.
Why we do this to ourselves only to meekly hand over 40% plus of our earnings to 646 self serving bastards?
Who will then first steal a shed load for themselves, then give another chunk to Romanian farmers and Third World dictators.
Then the remainder they will piss up a rope on their pet projects that adhere to their own vision of a New World Order,
Yet there is no discernable improvement of services or benefit to the majority. In fact the more money that is extorted* from us the worse things seem to get.
Then they try and grab even more, the green taxes are the latest steal, sometimes I agree with the tin foil hat wearers, we do seem to be on the way back to serfdom.
The first accountant that sells schemes for Tax Avoidance for people earning under £30,000 will become an overnight millionaire.
So very tired………..
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*Extorted – Money demanded with menaces, if you don’t pay tax , you will will go to prison , to me that’s extortion.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening – Robert Frost
It seems that once again the incontinent toddlers of Fate have visited the paddling pool that is my life.
After my mockery of ‘Work Shops’ on Monday and my crowing today (to others) that my commute to my new place of work took all of 25 minutes and that included a 5 minute wait for the bus. It seems that the Gods have decided that the balance must be restored
So Lo’ I was informed yesterday afternoon that the ‘work shop’ I was due to attend in mid January has been brought forward to today and tomorrow of this week.
“Arse” I responded “ Is it Bromley again?” (a simple, if tedious bus ride away)
“No” I was told. “It’s in XXXXXX”
“Double arse”*
Being as the title of the ‘work shop’ is ‘Keeping Safe’** I found the choice of venue amusing and not a little apposite.
Here’s a huge clue as to it’s location.
*Requires a train all the way into London Victoria and then back out again
** There will be role-playing, oh yes, there will be role playing.
It seems readers of The London Evening Standard are not as gullible as our dear leaders would like to think they are.
They can see through this to the massive cash grab in the name of the Green Religion that it is.
Note: Blogging is likely to be brief and haphazard until I get used to new working times.
I won’t have access to the interwebs during most of the day and when I do, I want nothing personally connected to me coming close to a Govt server.
So not sure whether to catch up on days news and then post for first thing the next morning or post directly in the evening.
So off to join the ranks of the employed again today, not to where I will actually be working though. Today we are summoned to the local HQ for an ‘Induction Day’ (Not as far as Croydon, thank goodness )
From the agenda sent it seems to be pretty standard; discussion of the role, heath & safety, terms & conditions, diversity in the workplace blah, blah, blah.
Two items however do tend to jump out and make my blood run cold.
10.30 : Energizer Engagement Exercise
14:00 : Engagement Exercise - To be decided by District Coach
If either of these are;
a) Role playing
b) Some sort of ‘Workshop’ that doesn’t involve engineering tools.
This could be my shortest career so far,
The commission wants all MP3 players sold in the EU, including iPods, to share the same volume limits.
All I can say is Good grief, is there no aspect of the minutiae of human existence that these unelected pole smokers do not want tell us what to do, how to live, that conforms to ‘their’ way of what should be done.
From light bulbs to loo rolls, everything must be EU approved.
When they day comes there will not be enough piano wire or spare lampposts
I like children, but I couldn’t eat a whole one. No, but seriously children are OK, I don’t want any of my own and as long as they go home at the end of the day or are kept quiet and a suitable distance away from me, I can get on with them.
But I don’t have any actual ‘real’ experience with them apart from being a child and I hated that.
So last night I found out that things said to children often come back to bite one in the arse.
I was suitably chastised by little niece Pavlov’s Cat (6½) when she arrived ( it’s little Bro’s weekend with the kids)
It seems I had caused her embarrassment in class. They had to write something in class, subject I know not what, but she happened to write that ‘Daddy lived in a bungalow’
Well, the teacher obviously hoping to expand the other children's horizons asked her to tell the other children what a ‘bungalow’ was.
To which she replied
“Well my Uncle Pavlov’s Cat told me when I asked, that when they were building the houses they didn’t have enough bricks for the upstairs and so the boss told them to “Bung a low roof on them” and so they were called Bungalows”
The teacher corrected her and told her that it was just the name for a single story house.
But boy, was she pissed with me and felt I had made her look foolish.
So I apologised and told her that in fact it came from the Indian Hindi word bungala just meaning a low dwelling and was brought back to England by sailors and came to mean a small house and now eventually a single story house.
I’m not sure how much she took in, but she’s as sharp as a fresh flint edge and you can bet I won’t be joking about stuff like that anymore.
I’d rather be ‘Smart Uncle Pavlov’s Cat’ than ‘Funny Uncle Pavlov’s Cat’
Just watched the Tom Cruise filim ‘The Last Samurai’ again, not a bad film.
I could point out all the trivia and mistakes like the tree ferns, but people on IMDb have already done that.
But what really pisses me off about this film and indeed all films that have heroes or villains using ‘Samurai Swords’ is this
Katana don’t ’ring’ when drawn, that “sching’ that movie makers love to put in.
There is NO metal on metal contact.
Saya are made of wood, there may be metal bindings at the top, but when the sword is drawn never it touches the blade.
It really grind my gears.
I don’t know why but it gets me every time
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A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon,
Trees old and young, sprouting a shady boon
For simple sheep; and such are daffodils
With the green world they live in; and clear rills
That for themselves a cooling covert make
'Gainst the hot season; the mid forest brake,
Rich with a sprinkling of fair musk-rose blooms:
And such too is the grandeur of the dooms
We have imagined for the mighty dead;
All lovely tales that we have heard or read:
An endless fountain of immortal drink,
Pouring unto us from the heaven's brink.
Extract from Endymion Book I – John Keats
H/t to Biased BBC
It seems that not only the BBC
Briton guilty of plotting 'deadly terror attack'
A British Muslim has been convicted of conspiring to murder civilians in a "deadly terrorist attack".
But also The Daily Telegraph
The Independent
Well let’s pick the bones out of those stories. So along with;
Adam Khatib,found guilty of conspiracy to murder
There was;
Abdullah Ahmed Ali, convicted of plotting to blow up transatlantic passenger airliners.
Nabeel Hussain was found guilty of engaging in preparing terror acts
Shamin Uddin convicted of possessing terror items,
Now you could say that the papers are technically correct, as they were reporting on the trial of an individual and the use of the singular is perfectly right, as the others had been previously convicted.
Yet he did not act alone, he was part of a conspiracy which meant he was part of a group of like minded individuals, which was used as part of the prosecution, In which case their group collective affiliations either as Britons, Muslims or British Muslims is relevant to his conviction.
So is it part of the continuing Dhimmitude of the British press to down play this sort of thing or is it that Muslim, Briton and Man have become plural nouns.
All I have to add that is that as someone who grew up in the 70’s and 80’s a similar group of Irish men ( Guilty or not) would not have been treated to the same kid-glove reporting as to their affiliations.
Oh, and BTW just remember when considering that the plot was hatched and advised from Pakistan that when your wage packet drops next year due to Badger Darling’s rise in NI, all the unconditional and unaccountable millions we have given and have pledged to continue to give to Pakistan in aid.
*Bonus points for the reference
I had an idea some time back for a post for Monday 7th December and photo's to go with it
“Great” I thought, “That’s that done then”
But I promptly forgot it and come the day, I had to rush up to ‘that there London’ and struggled to find anything to put up and so Monday 7th December remained blank.
Now having remembered what it was, the pictures I was going to use are below, no prizes for guessing what it was going to be about.
But you’ll have to wait till next year for my ramblings on the subject.
click images for larger
Night Time Ninja
They don’t say “As cunning as a fox” for no reason.
You won’t find our red coated friends throwing themselves in front of trains , strapping themselves to explosives or even just lying in the road.
Oh no, they are far more crafty.
They’ll just creep up at night and cut the brake lines to your car.
Professor Stephen Harris at Bristol University A biological science expert with 40 years experience, said
“There is no doubt that the damage in these cases is the work of animals, not people, and the damage is entirely consistent with this being due to foxes.”
Let’s be careful out there
Nice try swan , but I think you’re trying to punch above your weight
Best leave this sort of thing to belligerent bovines and stick to breaking arms*.
Buffalo causes Egyptian train crash 18 dead
Australian tourist train crashes into cow
*May not be true, but my Grandad used to assure us it could happen.
Well good news for me, possibly bad news for some of you.
The Good News
I have a new job, which starts next Monday,
I did mention that I had an interview a while back, it appears despite my misgivings that I did indeed tick some boxes somewhere (I am sure I will be the only White, Heterosexual, Unmarried, Childless, British Born, Middle Aged person on the books. That’s those boxes ticked)
After 2 weeks was told I had been successful.
However this was couched in the fact that I would have to pass all the relevant CRB checks before the offer could be confirmed. (Only took 41 days)
So I am pleased to announce that I am not a pedalo or a teeth.
I was told last Monday, but having been bitten before, I always wait until the signed contract is in my hand before announcing it and it arrived yesterday.
The Bad News
It’s a Government job, so unfortunately those of you working in the private sector will be paying my wages ( a fact I will not forget)
It’s obviously not my first choice, but the pickings are very slim out there at the moment and unfortunately it's only the government that seems to be hiring, mainly due to the fuck up they’ve made of the economy.
But I’m sorry I feel no regret, a job is a job, and it’s better to be in work and looking, than out of work and looking. I will keep looking, I promise and at least what money I get is circulating.
Addendum
Being the astute and intelligent readers that you are, you’ve probably guessed which government department I will be working for, as it’s getting new customers every day and I will be in a ‘customer’ facing role.
I haven’t decided whether I will write about it or not as yet, as there’s enough in my profile to identify me if someone really wanted to and I really need this job and there is nothing more vindictive than a government scorned.
So maybe more later on this or a continuation of the usual drivel
Much Love and Sorry
Mr Pavlov's Cat
Actual DVD cover
The DVD, Blu-Ray of Quentin Tarantino’s filim Inglourious Basterds is released on Monday.
Yet if you watch commercial TV you would think the title was ‘Inglourious’ as we are not allowed to hear the the word ‘Bastards’ anymore even after 9.00pm
They have even changed the size of the font on the ‘cover shot’ so you can’t make out the word.
I know the rules for adverts are stricter than for TV programmes, but the title of the film is Inglourious Basterds . It’s a fact, it’s not gratuitous, it’s not for ‘shock’ value, that was the title of the film.
This sort of Bowdlerisation is just pathetic and don’t get me started on the potential ‘Dam Busters’ remake.
Bastards
A train steward refused to sell a passenger an egg sandwich . . . because he might choke on it.
I think this is a misprint, it should read
A train steward refused to sell a passenger an egg sandwich . . . because he might be choked for it.
There is nothing more anti-social than an egg sandwich in an enclosed space.
The only reason for their sale is that the seller or manufacturer has a hatred for mankind to a depth that even the worst mass murderer could only dream of.
The only people who buy them are those that want to piss off everyone in the vicinity and make their lives as miserable as their own.
I mean people don’t even eat them at home, who stands in the kitchen and says
“You know what, I fancy an egg mayonnaise sandwich, I’ll make myself one .”
No one, that’s who.
Speaking as someone who came close to tears and then violence after being stuck next to a Swedish student in cattle class on an 8 hour trans Atlantic flight, who had decided to pack a lunch that seemed to consist of a whole loaf of egg sandwiches because he ‘Didn’t like airline food’
8 frikkin hours, munch munch, stink stink, munch munch. stink stink.
The smell stuck with me for days, even today I can’t see a picture of the Statue of Liberty without having an olfactory flash back. In my mind New York smells of egg.
So I think the steward should be given a medal for saving this mans life, as I’m sure the other passengers, tired and frustrated after being crammed onto a broken down train would have torn him limb from limb as soon as he pierced the cling film.
And another thing
He saw some egg sandwiches on sale behind the bar that looked appetising,
Not even if presented next to a fresh turd garnished with dog sick, can an egg sandwich ever be considered ‘appetising’
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What ever your opinions of Google Street View as it applies to the modern day
You have to admit, this is really a splendid use of the technology
Ancient city of Pompeii added to Google Street View
(Enter ‘Pompeii ruins’ into search to take you to the centre)
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Meditation XVII – John Donne
Artists Impression
Taliban use donkeys to launch bomb attacks on British troops
The latest threat to Allied soldiers has been uncovered after insurgents sent a donkey loaded with high-explosives galloping towards a military camp in Helmand Province.
A suspicious sentry killed the animal with a single shot after flares failed to halt it.
Are they really?
Is it not the case of
Donkeys use Taliban to launch bomb attacks on British troops
Just saying, the evidence is mounting
Many others to be found at Mark Wadsworth’s blog
I’ve also posted about other non-Bovine animal attacks
Although I feel Mark must share some of the blame for this escalation, with his taunting of Donkeys in his post
If I was a donkey, I’d be pissed off.
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Bono: 'I'm overpaid, so shoot me'
OK job done.
But decisions, decisions.
In the face or KGB style in the back of the neck?
Hand gun or rifle , Glock or MP5 or even shot gun.?
and then there’s the ammo
FMJ or Hollow point ; pellets or sabot?
Never mind I’ll work on it.
Following on from
in which a Met spokesman said
"We recognise the balance between effective policing and respecting the rights of the media and the general public to take photographs.Guidance around the issue has been made clear to officers and PCSOs."
Comes the latest harassment of a photographer from that prime terrorist target Burgess Hill.
Brighton photographer stopped for taking 'terror' festive lights photos
Andrew White, 33, from Kemp Town, Brighton, was taking snaps of the decorations in Burgess Hill town centre when two Police Community Support Officers started following him as he walked to work.
The two female PCSOs then stopped him and asked why he had been taking pictures and if he was a professional photographer.
What the blithering difference does it make if he was a professional or not. Can professional photographers not be potential terrorists or is it vice versa.
And comes the cracker.
A Sussex Police spokesman said the officers spoke to Mr White because they were concerned he was taking too many photographs in a busy shopping area.
By who’s definition is ‘too many’ he was using a film camera and most would say you take 3 for each shot to bracket the exposure. Is three now suspicious.
With digital you can take even more, I regularly take 5, 6 even more of the same shot to get the angle , exposure, DoF that I want.
He said: “They were acting in good faith, balancing individual liberty against the need to ensure public safety.”
No they weren’t they were screwing with a law abiding citizen acting perfectly legally because they could.
After all, it’s easier than confronting any of the real antisocial behaviour because those people would just tell them to ‘Fuck Off’
This is one of the reasons I am loathe to take my camera out in a public place these days.
I feel if I am stopped, my anger with these tin-pot jobs-worth's might get me into trouble or at least onto the DNA database.
Jim Davidson ( the ‘comedian’) used to say that Policemen used to have their brains removed at Hendon and replaced with a Nickommeter. and spend their days ‘Nicking’ easy targets.
It was a joke then, but nobody's laughing now.
The NHS has released an iPhone app that lets you tot up the amount of fake units you’ve had.
I don’t know how much it costs to develop an iPhone app, but you can bet the NHS was charged 10x the going rate by Crapita or EDS or whoever's turn it was for the dip in the pork barrel.
Money well spent? I don’t think so
Still it’s down with kids and otherwise they’d have to spend the money on all those bothersome things like cleaning products or cancer drugs.
Every day there’s one more twist of the knife
H/t and story at The Register - NHS hurls iPhone into booze abuse fray