Too Hot To Blog*
In the meantime look at the otters kissing, look at them aaaaah
click larger
*Not helped by the fact that the aircon in the room where I do my presentations has been bust since Thursday, I’m on a litre of water an hour and a Dioralyte sachet at the end of the day.
Now look at the otters again, aaaaah.
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Good things come to those who wait, according to one of its catchphrases, but fewer people are prepared to wait 119.53 seconds for a Guinness to be served.
During the past year sales of the creamy stout in Britain have fallen by seven million pints, despite heavy promotion of the 250th anniversary of Guinness’s Dublin brewery last year.
That’s quite a lot down, how long has this been going on?
The decline is part of longer term trend: over the last three years British sales have slumped by £28.5m, according to a new report by the market research company Mintel.
Why did something happen in 2007 to start this downward trend?
Oh, that’s right the fucking Smoking Ban.
That must be it surely.
But noes, not according to Guinness’s GB Marketing Manager, John Roscoe,
“The major cause is the decline of the beer market,” he said. “People are going to the pub less and there has been a move away from beer and into wine and spirits.”
So that’s it, you had me wondering ‘people are going to the pub less’, no reason given, just ‘people are just going to the pub less’
Yes, I am certainly going to the pub less and so I imagine are Leg Iron and Frank Davis and all the other customers of yours who also smoke and are now made to feel so unwelcome, they’d rather sit at home with a bottle of Vino Collapso than go to the pub.
Because you and your ilk stood by when the government foisted this intemperate piece of social engineering legislation on us.
Thinking that's alright we’ll get all the non-smokers in now, well they didn’t turn up did they?
You reap what you sow.
Mr Roscoe, you absolute cock end and Guinness if this is your marketing manager it’s no wonder you’re losing money.
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click for larger
Off to that there London again tonight.
Meeting up with an old friend, both literally and figuratively as I have known her for a long time and she is indeed very old*.
So it’s a few beers and then a Katsu curry at The Tokyo Diner.
A pleasant evening shall be had (provided she doesn’t throw Miso soup all over herself again)
Hope yours is similar
Toodles
*purely subjective I know depending on where you are on your own personal timeline
UPDATED: The Katsu was great and the company could not be bettered (and fortunately they don’t serve the Miso as an accompaniment in the evenings)
I now have a hankering for some Yakitori, anyone know of a good one in London
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It’s a fucking duck alright.
Yes I know in the body of the story they call them ‘suspected illegal immigrants’ [emphasis mine]
and
Yes I know it’s all sub-judice and all that, which is how, mass murderers have to be called suspected terrorists even when caught bang to rights or even simple murderers found standing over the body, knife in hand, having it all been filmed and screaming “I did it , I did it, it was me” are also only ‘suspected’
But come on now, cut me some slack on this one.
Ship them straight back to France and let them deal with them.
Oh waits.
One of the men, who was in his 30s, was taken to hospital for treatment, but later discharged.
To where? I doubt we’ll see him again.
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Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Remember – Christina Rossetti
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click pic for larger misery
I am bereft, I don’t want to go all the way to Swanley to get my Digital Callipers or Arc Welder
Not to mention my axes or 12 inch circular saws, my German biscuits and Breakfast Frittatas.
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Same report, same figures, completely different conclusions
Call me a cynical old bastard, but these days when I see competing stories like these, I only wonder who got lunched and who didn’t.
From The Evening Standard
More Rail Commuters Say They Are Getting Value For Money
The number of rail passengers who believe they get value for money has increased by eight points to a record 48 per cent following the January fares freeze.
From The Daily Telegraph
Train Travel Poor Value For Money, Say Passengers
More than half Britain's train passengers believe that the industry is still failing to offer value for money, an official survey has found.
Although as I pointed out last week The Standard does have a classic ability to turn a negative into a positive How To Spin A Headline
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You’d better not be a bear.
Now I’m normally on the side of the animals in situations like this (except those evil bastard cows, who deserve all they get).
But this story really makes me weep for the bear.
So imagine you’re a Grizzly Bear, wandering the forest, eating berries, roots, grubs and stuff. Doing all sort of beary stuff (which I am sure involves shitting at some point if the old saw is to be believed).
Then suddenly, some whirring thing comes out of the sky and begins to chase you around. (In an earlier version it said the bear was originally darted from a helicopter)
You’re then shot in the arse with a big fuck off dart (which probably stings a tad) and pumped full of enough ketamine to drop a, well a bear.
Whilst unconscious, you’re prodded, measured, manhandled and anal probed as well for all I know.
You are then fitted with a delightful fashion accessory, that you didn’t ask for and can’t take off.
On waking up, you’re bruised, sore, disorientated and feeling like you’ve been on a five day bender with Richard Harris, Richard Burton and Oliver Reed.
I defy anyone not to feel a little tetchy.
So along comes Mr Erwin Evert, after ignoring all the signs that said that pissed off bears might be around.
Now we’ll never know what passed between them, maybe harsh words were said, insults given and received, maybe blows were exchanged. But who threw the first punch?
However we all know the result though, at the end of it, Mr Evert lay dead.
Well 70 year old man vs. grumpy Grizzly, no contest really.
Well bear kills man, what’s a Park Ranger to do?
Why use the self same tracking device you just fitted to said bear in the name of conservation, track it down from a helicopter, chase it through the forest and shoot it dead.
Bastards
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H/t Mr Pavlov’s Cat’s Brother
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There are times when an accent, a girl and a particular bit of speech just come together.
“And another thing. Stop putting vegetables in my bed, it’s perverse”
Marvellous
To save you a bit of trouble, the princess is played by Ivica Slavikova who was Miss Slovenia in 2005
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Pupils at two primary schools have been kept indoors at lunch-time after a fox was spotted in the playground.
Overreaction much?
"The schools acted in a routine way and in much the same way as they would have done had a dangerous dog been loose on the premises."
But it wasn’t a dangerous dog loose on the premises was it, it was only a Red Fox about as far away from a ’dog’ as you can get and still be considered a canine.
I bet if they had let the children out, it would have taken one look and fucked off in the direction of away. (I have much the same reaction, I must admit)
So another unnecessary “fear” added into children's lives. Along with Global warming, second hand smoke, anyone with XY chromosomes being a potential paedophile, eating chips and pies. etc.
I bet they’ve been offered counselling about “How they ‘feel’ about the fox and the potential danger it posed”
Sometimes I wonder how I made it to 45 years old without all these people looking out for me. I mean, I even used to climb trees without a risk assessment (other than my own of course) and ride my bike without a helmet, it’s a wonder I survived.
Moron’s, utter, utter, risk adverse, c*nting morons.
I’m afraid this deserves a double face palm and an ‘Oh good grief’
*Sorry
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I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.
Sea Fever – John Masefield
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The following is a record of a conversation held yesterday between your humble scribe and a co-worker Shirley.
It was during a discussion about Amazon and the fact that if you are overseas , it’s good for sending gifts a well.
I should point out that Shirley, whilst in the UK for many years has a very strong Irish accent.
Shirley: “Amazon is grand, my brother is always using it to send me unusual presents”
Mr Pavlov’s Cat: “Such as?”
S: “Well, last year he sent me a bacon kit”
Mr P C: “Sweet”
S: “Do you like bacon as well?”
Mr P C “Who doesn’t?”
S: “ I love it, I find bacon relaxes me”
Mr P C: “ I can’t say I have the same feeling, but I do love it. So what was in this kit then?” {Thinking to order one myself}
S: “Oh, it was all good quality stuff, pans & tins of various sizes, scales etc.
Mr P C: “Well it’s certainly an unusual for a gift from a brother, if slightly excellent. He knows you like bacon that much?”
S: “Oh, sure I’m always doing bacon for the kids, for treats and their parties and so on”
Mr P C: “What a splendid mother you are. So all you need to do is go to the butcher and get the pork, what cut of meat do you ask for?”
S: “What meat?”
Mr P.C: “For the bacon”
S: “No, I don’t make pies, just cakes, muffins, buns and so on”
LIGHT DAWNS
Mr P C: (Crestfallen) “Oh baking”
S: “Yes, bacon. Why what did you think I meant.”
Mr P C: “Doesn’t really matter now”
Bacon Cup Cake
Best of Both Worlds
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Using videos, a lazy post, I know.
However this week is going to be mental. It was decided on Friday that the other person trained to deliver the presentations is no longer going to do it.
We were working on a ‘You do this one, I’ll do the next” basis, giving time to catch up on paperwork etc.
This is no longer the case.
But then if there’s anything I hate at work it’s being bored.
So it’s 4, 1 hour long presentations a day, to people who don’t want to be there and then all the accompanying rigmarole.
Plus I’ve got to do a Gatwick run on Tuesday at 10:00 pm to pick up the brother and family back from Majorca.
(Did I mention the fact that, I can’t get the meeting room till 12:30 each day, so I only get a 30 minute gap, if that, between each one)
Still as I say to my audience, “It may not be your ideal job and this certainly isn’t mine, but it’s better than being on Job Seekers Allowance”
And so, my loins are thoroughly girded, my eye has the aspect of the tiger, my metaphorical hat is tipped at a jaunty angle, I’m ready to run before the wind and there’s a smile on my face.
The first is me,
Which one is yours today?
‘
‘
You smile upon your friend to-day,
To-day his ills are over;
You hearken to the lover's say,
And happy is the lover.
'Tis late to hearken, late to smile,
But better late than never;
I shall have lived a little while
Before I die for ever.
A.E Housman
from The Evening Standard
Women-Friendly' Mosques Praised
A directory of 100 "women-friendly" mosques in England has been launched today.
Wow, that’s great,
What, I wonder makes a mosque ‘women friendly’?
The document awards star ratings to mosques judged by a series of requirements including providing separate prayer space to women.
Goodness gracious, how progressive of them, whatever next, mixed congregations [steady now :Ed]
Other criteria include services and activities for women, an imam accessible to women - or a woman scholar - women holding office on mosque committees and the inclusion of women in decision making at operational and strategic levels in the mosque.
But wait, only 100, that doesn’t seem that many?
How many in the survey?
Researchers for the directory assessed 486 mosques in order to draw up the directory.
So really the headline should be (if you are a nasty Islamophobe and ignore the great strides the ‘Religion of Peace’ {sic} is making).
What do you mean I got the maths wrong ?
The directory, by the inter-faith and conflict resolution organisation Faith Matters contains 50 mosques which have met all five criteria and 50 where four of the standards have been met.
Oh, so it really should be;
Now whose being the Islamophobe?
Still, you’ve got to ask yourself. How many churches and synagogues would stand up in comparison against such ‘women-friendliness’?
What?
All of them?
Are you sure?
How long has this been going on?
You don’t say? Couple of thousand years for some religions. Well I never.
Some Women Friendliness In Action (You Go Girls)
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Quorn To Sell In Meat-Loving Australia
The 25-year-old firm which is now a staple in around 500,000 meals a day in this country is hoping to change a few attitudes in one of the world's most traditional and rugged meat-eating societies.
Some personal facts about Quorn
1. It is made from a fungus
2. It can be shaped and flavoured to produce something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike meat.
3. The few times I have had Quorn, (Both knowingly and unknowingly*) it has given me a violent case of
diaroh diaerohdiorheathe shits.
Stick to the steaks cobbers.
*Unknowingly at least until the first mouthful. (see point 2. above)
“I thought we'd try something healthy and I knew you’d poo-poo it”
How very right she was, in more ways than one.
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Ah it appears it is.
I had a post ready to go, but couldn’t get it to upload, no idea why.
It’s now a bit out of date, so I won’t bother.
Have a good day
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
Loved it
There were tears (manly, man tears of course) but tears none the less.
But a great episode, whilst I’ve liked parts of all of the latest Doctor episodes, this one seemed really complete to me.
And as it’s Sunday and it’s an easy blog post (but still a good tune), here’s Don McLean
..
‘’
You watch a movie and the actress Jennifer ‘Flash Dance’ Beals
is playing the part of somebody’s Mum
Where’s my time machine?
Walk away Walk away Walk away
From gods who demand thoughtless obedience
Walk away
From pettiness that will make you petty
Walk away
From anger that will eat your insides
Walk away
From abuse which steals your soul
Walk away
Gaining strength with each stride
Walk away
Alone, arm-in-arm or in tandem
Walk away
Yet do not run away in fear
Walk away
You, first among equals
Walk away
Holding head high
Walk away
Now
Walk Away - Frederick Cowie
Quite frankly best beloved, this cat is pooped.
In the last three days, I’ve delivered 11 presentations ( 4,4,3 ) of 1 hour plus Q&A at the end. (not all the same, there’s a choice of 4 )
“Pah,” you say “I could do that easy.”
And if you had been doing it for several years, I would say “Of course you could, have a sweetie.”
But as I mentioned in my post about the “Royal Mail” this is new to me.
I don’t think I’ve spent as long on my feet at work since I worked behind a bar about 20 years ago. Something to be said for a desk job at times.
And it turns out I’m a bit of a ‘pacer’ when presenting, so I’ve probably walked pretty far as well.
The gadget when it did arrive was everything it promised to be, it means I don’t have to keep bending & twisting to advance the slides as this was causing my already weak back to feel the pressure. (Had a ruptured disc removed a while ago.)
Feedback has been positive which is good, particularly against how new I am to this and I’m fully booked for 1-2-1 follow up sessions tomorrow, which is nice.
But sorry brain is like mush a the moment so please excuse the lack of topical / daily posting.
There will be a poem tomorrow
But the rest of the weekend may just consist of pictures from the Iris Garden at the Meiji Shrine, Tokyo (which blooms in June)
Night, night
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*Modern rhyming slang = knackered**
**Look it up
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I must change my way into work
From The Daily Telegraph, the gift that keeps on giving , actual story here
