The Impression That I Get

So as a Bank Holiday post to get you motivated and not waste the day away.

One of my favourite songs, from one of the best bands that you've probably never heard of. (Ignore the sub-Madness video, listen to the song)

this is good as well

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I May Not Know Much About Art…(8)

But I know what I like and I like this.

click image for larger

Willow Mill

c.1496-98 Albrecht Dürer

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Two Little Words

I must admit I’ve been oscillating moods between ‘meh’ and ‘foul’ of late. The ‘no contract extension’ , the looking for work again, the Group Sessions extending interminably into the distance, the hopefully slight, but real possibility that I may have to come back and ‘sign on’ with the same people I’m working with today, along with a myriad of other things as well

Then add in the atrocious weather for August. Well bollocks to it all.

So yesterday, when I was dealing with some mundane piece of shit that the person involved couldn’t be arsed or bothered with to actually think about and would rather hand it off to someone else, I was in an atrocious frame of mind.

Then I was called to by another colleague a few desk’s down.

“Pavlov’s Cat when you have a sec could you come over?”

‘Christ’ I thought ‘Can’t you people do any fucking thing for yourselves?’

“Be right there” I replied with my Customer Service Grin fixed in place.

So I finished doing what I was doing and ambled over.

“Sorry to bother you” says colleague, but <insert customers name> “Wanted to have a quick word”

“Hi” they said. “You probably don’t remember me, but I was on one of your group sessions a few weeks ago”

(No shit Sherlock, 162 groups sessions, over a 1000 people seen)

“You took time afterwards to have a look at my CV as it was getting me nowhere, I made the adjustments you suggested, looked at examples on the web you mentioned and since then I’ve had three interviews, when I’d had none before.

So I just wanted to say. Thank you”

Well best beloved, I sort of now know what Saul felt like on the road to Damascus, I sort of now know why ambulance drivers, policemen, fireman, nurses and all the rest too numerous to list do their job.

After days, months of dealing with often resentful, recalcitrant, sullen and frequently abusive people. There is nothing to compare to the feeling that you may have in some small way helped someone. (and in no way am I comparing what I did to those aforementioned)

It was like being touched by God’s finger and standing in a shaft of Golden sunlight for the briefest instant in time. I’ve never had that before and I can see now why those people do it.

Could I continue to do it, based on that? Probably not, I’m a shallow person, I would need more money to do it.

But still

Biscuity Awesomeness

Behold The Ninjabread Men

click 4 larger ninjas

h/t www.geeksaresexy.net

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What’s The Most Useless Thing You Own?

I thought I ‘d do a little friendly competition for a Sunday. (and also the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m going to win)

So, What’s the most useless thing you own or possess and that’s useless in the strict definition of the word.

Adjective:

Useless = Without use or possibility to be used.

So not the white goods lurking under the sink, the waffle maker or sandwich maker and no Pseudo, not ‘Hubby’ either.

Anyway this is mine.

click images for larger

What is it you ask?

That there is a Rundblickfernrohr 16 (Rbl.F. 16)

It is an optical sight from a German 75mm Light Infantry Howitzer c.1939-1943

I was about 13 when I found it, in a house I was helping to clear after the old chap who lived there died (summer holiday money). I found out later he had been captured at Dieppe and spent the rest of the war in various Stalags. I guess he ‘liberated’ it as a souvenir on his way home.

He left no family so I couldn’t pass it on to them. I did offer it to the Imperial War Museum a long time ago, but they said they already had one.

So I kept it, it’s been in various cupboards and attics and has now returned from my Nan’s loft where it’s been for the last 10 years (had to clear it out to be re-lagged)

It is a piece of history, and now it’s gone well past the point where I would feel comfortable just throwing it away. It’s also a precision optical instrument and you don’t just ‘bin’ those.

So there it sits on my window sill in its (v. heavy) iron case.

Maybe I’ll put it on E-bay, there may be someone reconstructing a 75mm howitzer, and is just missing the final piece of the puzzle.

After all there’s all sorts out there in internet land.

So do I win?

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I May Not Know Much About Art..(7)

But I know what I like and I like this.

Click for larger

The Fighting Temeraire

1839. Joseph Mallord William Turner

I was going to save this one for later, but with the 70th Anniversary of the Battle of Britain it seems rather apt.

The Temeraire, another one of the few, part of the wooden wall that stood and ‘held the line’ when we once again stood alone faced by invasion is being towed to it’s last rest.

If the National Gallery were on fire this would be the painting that I would run in and grab.

To me there is everything in this painting; The sadness at the passing of an old warrior to which we owe much, the memory of the history along with gratitude, the transfer of the Old to the New (sail being towed by steam).

All with a magnificent ‘Turner’ sunset.*

I could write for ages about this painting and how it affects me, but I shan’t, this is blog after all.

*Apropos of nothing, I am always reminded with this painting, of a passage in one of Spike Milligan's memoirs. ( I think it’s ‘Mussolini, His Part In My Down Fall’ but they are in storage still, so I can’t confirm it)

Spike is out driving an officer in a jeep, who is also a Fellow of the Royal Academy. The talk turns to art and in a discussion about Turner, Spike being Spike exclaims.

“Turner’s sunsets are rubbish, nobody ever saw a sunset like that.”

To which the officer responds.

“Yes, but don’t you wish you did?”

Nuff said.

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It’s Not YOUR Money , It’s Ours!!

 

It seems that the current lot of wankers are no better than the last lot at giving away our money.

I can’t believe I was the only one to notice this, but I’ve searched the blogs and MSM and nothing, nada, zippo.

So there I was checking out the BBC at about  11.00pm yesterday When scrolling across the screen come this.

LATEST: DofID announces doubling of UK aid to Pakistan to £60mio

(wish I had got a screen shot)

Jebus thought I, that’s put the cat amongst the pigeons, I mean, I feel sorry for the ordinary Pakistani’s but the British public have made it clear they don’t want anymore money going to this corrupt 3rd world shit hole by not actually giving any (or much) freely.

Add in the fact that as a country we are fucking broke, so lets just increase the overdraft by £30mio, a trifle, well VAT is going up in January so we’ll get it back from the serfs one way or another.

People are going to be all over this I thought, but no.

All I can find is this snippet on the BBC  hidden away in the attic like mad Aunt Maude, in the hope no one will notice.

 

In case you missed the press release snuck out past your bedtime, it’s here

So the next person who rattles a tin under my nose for the poor Pakistani’s will be told, as I tell all those collecting for Fake Charities as well.

“I gave at the office, I didn’t want to, but they took it anyway, it’s called income tax, now fuck off”*

They don’t learn do they, it’s not your money to do with as you will, you have no mandate for pissing it up the wall, it’s ours and there’s none left, will you get that through your thick fucking heads. You Righteous, Self Serving, Over Privileged CUNTS.

 

*I do give to charity, I’m not a complete bastard, but since the Fake Charities website opened my eyes, only to those that receive NO Central or Local Govt. grants and are based in and work for the UK.

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No Koala, Leave it To the Quadrupeds

Plucky Koala tries to emulate its quadruped comrades and comes unstuck.

Tries to run car off road in Melbourne.

These things are best left to deer , horses  and of course cows

You stick to dropping out of trees.

Although even deer can try and punch above their weight as well.

‘Suicide’ Deer attempt to down cargo plane.

(Ed. How did I miss that one?)

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The First Rule Of Password Club

is

NEVER WRITE DOWN YOUR PASSWORD

Anywhere, any how, never write it down, the first basic rule of computer security.

and yet we never counted on ‘Verified by VISA’

click to enlarge

I’m pretty au fait with ‘puters, got in early and all that guff and so learnt the ropes at the beginning. No regular password is un-crackable, you just have to make it not worth the normal thieves trouble, so that they’ll have harvested all the birthdays, pet names, children's names etc. before they trouble with mine.

Now my password is pretty secure, as you can see it has a minimum of 9 characters (but there may be more)

It bears no relation to anything about me, personal or otherwise, family or closest friends would run out of life before they guessed right.

Even if they did, it’s not all in CAPS and contains special characters.

And then along comes ‘Verified by ViISA’ asking for the 4th, 7th and 9th characters in my password.

I’m sorry, I can type it in with my eyes closed, but that's just taking the piss.

So I have to write it down on a ‘Post-It’ and underline the 4th, 7th and 9th characters , so I don’t lock myself out.

I then have to go religiously shred said ‘Post-It’

I do that, but I don’t do a lot of shopping on line. How many others don’t? (bearing in mind the required letter numbers change each time, it could be the 1st, 3rd and 7th next timer)

How many ‘Post-It’ notes are now stuck to computers because of ‘Verified by VISA’ ?

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The Past Wasn’t Black & White

(I know it’s a lazy Saturday post, but I have something in my head about Tattoo's but it’s not quite there yet)

Sometimes it’s hard not to think of the past as just monochrome and thus it doesn’t seem as immediate as it perhaps should be, then something comes along like the excellent series ‘The Second World War in Colour’ that sets you thinking again, makes those involved seem somehow ‘realer’.

I know they are Merkin, but ‘props’ to The Denver Post for publishing these prints of colour slides from the 40’s.

Sometimes when looking at them you have to remind yourself that you are not looking at a still frame taken on the set of ‘Bonnie & Clyde’ , ‘Memphis Belle” etc.

click image for Gallery

Captured: America in Colour from 1939-1943

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I May Not Know Much About Art…(6)

But I know what I like and I like this.

click for larger

Hello Houston

c.1980? Michael Bedard

No, not ‘fine’ art this week. But I always said that this was about what ‘I’ like. Not what I’m supposed to like.

Why this one?

Well, if we are sitting comfortably best beloved, I’ll tell you the tale.

Way back in the mists of time,1983 it was. I spotted this particular print in the Athena shop in Eltham High Street in amongst all the posters of tennis girls scratching their arses and Dark Side of the Moon prisms and I was much taken with it. It ‘sung’ to something inside me.

However it was a framed print and at the time well beyond my price range as a humble A-Level student ( no cash bribe for staying on at school in those days). So I just used to gaze at it daily as I waited for the 132 bus home.

But, on the Saturday two days before my 18th birthday, I was being picked up to go to the Rugby Club for birthday drinks by my first ‘real’ girlfriend (and no, the rest were not imaginary, but not really girlfriends at that age)

When she arrived she presented me a very large gift wrapped box and a merry “Happy Eighteenth Birthday”

Muttering the usual protestations “Oh you shouldn’t have” etc. I unwrapped the box, wondering what it could be, as it was a large box, but suspiciously light.

Inside was filled with those polystyrene S shapes you used to get, as I shovelled them out of the way, there to my amazement was my framed print of ‘Hello Houston’ the little minx.

I couldn’t recall ever mentioning it to her, so asked how she knew. “It was pretty obvious” she said “Every time we passed the shop you always used to pause for a while and gaze at it”

What a lovely girl.

And so it’s stayed with me, through thick and thin, good times and bad, either in the bedroom or over the desk, it’s been reframed twice, it’s been with me to Derby, Docklands, Frankfurt, Tokyo and all the other places I lived in and now it’s come back full circle to Bexleyheath.

It still makes me smile and I still enjoy looking at it,

After 27 years, that’s no bad thing.

Where it currently hangs

Do not click for larger

Sorry about the quality of the larger image of the painting, I couldn’t find a decent scan, so that is a photo of my copy through glass.

In case you can’t make out what the astronaut is doing here’s a close up.

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Speechless

It is not very often I am rendered without words. But on this occasion, I was.

Then once the power of speech returned, by the job I am doing couldn’t make any comment.

I mean what would you say to this situation.?

Very nice 19 y/o girl approaches me after one of my group sessions and asks if she can have a quick word.

“No worries” says I “Come and sit at my desk.”

“The thing is” she begins “My advisor’s not being much help, you see I’m looking for work in childcare in the Dagenham area as I’m moving there soon, but all they can seem to do is find jobs local to here”

“Not a problem” says the cat.

So I ask the usual questions.
Whereabouts' in The Nam? (postcode given)
Previous experience? (none).
Qualifications? (lots, but none in childcare) “But, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. “

Bing, Bang, Bong, magic fingers do a quick search of the system, 3 jobs to apply for.

Show her how to use the website to do a search more relevant to herself and we’re done.

But as we’re finishing off, in the process of making small talk as you do, I ask “So off to Dagenham then, not liking Bexleyheath?”

Comes the reply.

“No, it’s fine, it’s just I have relatives over there, who have a flat to rent and my family are emigrating to Australia* in September”

“They’re not taking you with them?” quoth I

“Oh no, I’ve got the visa and everything, I just don’t want to go**”

My reaction

A million myriad thoughts and comments, stream through my head, chief amongst them I must admit ‘Can I have your visa then?”

But no!

I must remain detached, I am here to try and help people back into work, no matter what and not here to comment on peoples lifestyles or life choices, whether it may be, “How about keeping your legs closed every so often?”, “I know you’re a ‘free spirit’ but why do you think anyone should employ you, when you look like Lydia The Tattooed Lady?”, and “Perhaps if you’d paid to renew your licence, ticket etc. whilst you were working, as you knew it was running out, you wouldn’t be here now.”

All strictly VERBOTEN!!!!!

So I sent her on her way with a merry “Best of luck to you” and a tear in my eye.

That being done, I was instantly surrounded by colleagues, exclaiming things like “Did I hear right?” and “I’d go tomorrow and fuck the rest of them” and so on and so forth.

The youth of today eh?

*We’re not really allowed to pry, so it could have been the arse end of nowhere Australia, up in the Top End, North Mexico, Perth (wait for it) or some Station miles from nowhere with nothing but thousands of woolly backs for company. But I don’t think so**, still though if you’ve got the visa you can always move.

** General impression I got reading between the lines was that she was ‘loved up’ as the youth of today say and BF is not going and that’s why she’s made this decision.

Sunday Safety Dance

Now I loved this song back in the 80’s, I had several different versions on vinyl, 7” 12” and picture disc.

But now apparently it has become something of an earworm, rather than the classic it actually is.

However being as I am desperate for ideas at present, I was thinking of running a Sunday Earworm series.

I have a couple, (Well ,those that the TV show ‘Glee’ haven’t covered yet, at least)

But any suggestion would be welcome, and if by suggesting the song it gets me humming it all day, it will get included.

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I May Not Know Much About Art…(5)

But I know what I like and I like this.

click for larger

L'Empire des Lumières
(The Empire of Light)

1954. Renee Magritte

The first and not the last Magritte to appear in this series, as he is one of my favourite painters, with The Empire of Light being number one on the list.

The painting proved so popular that Magritte finished I believe 16 different versions and a quick Google images search will show you examples of the rest.

This however is the best example I could find of the version I like the most and was fortunate to see when it was exhibited in Tokyo some years back (A dual exhibition of Magritte and Man Ray. Fantastic, I went every day for a week.)

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Huzzah, Public Sector Parasite Has To Find A Real Job

Oh wait, that’s me.

And so after several months of being cocked around by promises of a possible extension* till March 2011. It has been decided, that due to the fact that unemployment is going to drop massively in the next 4-6 months and the economy is going to imitate the action of the tiger. (That’s the reason we’ve been given, if not the exact wording)

Those of us who were on Fixed Term Agreements at the Jobcentres will be no longer needed (all 14,000 of us).

Yes, I knew it was a finite contract going in, with no chance of a permanent position (and I am grateful for it, don’t get me wrong, you only have to read my blog pre Dec 2009 and after, to see what a difference being back in work had)

Thus I have no reason for Boo-Hooing, I’ve contracted before, I know what the score is.

However the extension carrot has been being dangled by the SMT since well before and indeed after the election, It was almost, but not quite seen as a ‘given’ that it would occur and some of my colleagues bought 100% into it.*

But it’s still a kick in the nuts all the same, even for someone whose ‘been around the block a few times'.

My leaving date is 30th November 2010, so gives me a fair bit of lead time. I will be very disappointed in myself if I haven’t found something new by then, yes there are jobs out there, it’s getting taken on that is the struggle.

So, as I tell my Back To Work sessions and now applies to me
“Tell as many people as you can, ‘If you hear of anything let me know’.”

I just hope it’s not a case of again

‘Signing on at Jobcentre --> Working at Jobcentre ---> Signing on at Jobcentre’

Although that could be quite amusing as everyone left, according to the rules would have to recuse themselves from dealing with us. According to official guidance as they know us personally they cannot access our records etc.. (Plus the fact that we know all the rules inside and out).

Be lucky and have a good day.

*Those of you of a more cynical bent, might be of the opinion that they knew this was going to happen, but kept talking up the extension so staff on FTA’s didn't start drifting away too early. You may think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.

100 Not Out

The resemblance is uncanny
(But I don't wear glasses)

So there we have it, today I did my 100th Group presentation*.

950 people have had to sit through it once, nobody's walked out, nobody's punched me and a few have even said thank you.

Still I’m having trouble keeping it ‘fresh’ now though

Going to celebrate with a glass or 3 of Australian Shiraz (1/2 price at the Co-Op)

Enjoy your evening.

*It’s actually 133 in total but 33 are a different kind of session

Dirty Tricks

Those of you who are not appreciative of ‘wind’ based humour may want to skip this post.

Not in Toy Story 3,
But those of you who know who I am IRL will get the reference.

So, Sunday off to the Moving Picture House with Brother Pavlov’s Cat, SiL Pavlov’s Cat and Nephew Pavlov’s Cat (age 3 and 2 months) to see Toy Story 3.

All was well until about 3/4 of an hour in to the main feature, when I started feeling distinctly uncomfortable in the bowels department.

Now I had been to a Bar-B-Q the day before, plenty of beer, plenty of red wine and plenty of red meat, so sneaking one out during a noisy part of the film was not an option, it would be very evident where it emanated from. (SBD)

Also I was enjoying the filim and didn’t want to leave the movie just for a ‘jam tart ‘.

Then as so often happens fate, chance, serendipity, call it what you will, took a hand.

Little Nephew Pavlov's Cat decided he no longer wanted to sit between Mum and Dad but wanted to sit on Uncle Pavlov’s Cat’s lap.

Result.

I let the little lad get settled and did what I had to do.

Relief was instantaneous, for me at least if not for those sitting near by.

Sister in Law Pavlov’s Cat started coughing and offered to take the little little lad out to check his nappy. “No” I exclaimed. “It’s OK I think it was just windy pops, let him watch the film.”*

Doubly amusing (as it was a family friendly audience, was the amount of “Do you need the toilet?” questions from around the general area.)

The only trouble was trying to contain the laughter. (It was a ‘serious’ bit of the filim)

Guilt, that I blamed a 3.2 year old for my actions? Nope

Ashamed? Not a bit.

He’ll do the same when he’s older, if he doesn’t, I’ll have failed in my ‘Uncle teaching’ role.

*I did confess afterwards when the little lad was on the verge of being ripped and stripped after the movie ended ‘To check, just in case’.

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