Drinking Games….

We’ve all drunk “To health of Cardinal Puff”  and drank it down like “Zulu Warriors.” But have a go at this one. [Warning: There is an extended scene setting preamble, so leave now if that’s what you don’t like]

Once upon a time, I had to change trains in Okayama, Japan. I didn’t have much time between trains, but according to the guide book, Okayama Castle was the place to go. But then again in Japan a lot of ‘old’ stuff is like ‘Triggers Broom’ So I wasn’t convinced. (and was proved correct in this case)

(Click the images for larger in a new tab)

Reading further in the guide book, the gardens were something a bit special, so time willing, I thought I’d give it a go

Well garden wise I thought at first glance the were pretty meh! “Gardens, been there done that, through countless stately homes”

But then you read the blurb in the guide book.

So apparently, the Daimyo at the time wanted to create the classic ‘Japanese’ type grounds,  all ‘mossy’ and ‘woody’ and yet his castle was on a sandy flood plain and not conducive to moss or the types of trees required. So according to the guide book, this is where the first grass ‘lawn’ and ‘landscaped’ as we would know it garden in Japan was created.

“That’s pretty cool, I suppose” You say and yet I hear you ask “Are you going to get to the main point yet at any time before I die There must be more?

And then, there is in  the grounds this place.

Apparently this was a pavilion  where the retained Samurai used to cut their capers.

The object of the game was, you were given a subject and then a Sake cup was started from one end of the stream, by the time it reached the end you had to have composed and recited a stunningly beautiful haiku.

Which would then be judged by your heavily armed peers, if deemed unworthy, you drank a shot ( and possibly then went on to commit seppuku)

There now aren't you glad you stayed to the end.

Have some more pictures

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Snarf

 

Glamour model Katie Price is found guilty of not being in proper control of her pink horsebox

I could have told them that years ago.

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha ……..

 

 Fake flowers flourish in the recession: Retailers record rising sales of plastic plants

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha  [pause for breath] ha,ha, ha, ha, ha

Sorry, that probably doesn’t make sense to anyone who isn’t me, but who cares.

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Oh Noooes The Bogeyman’s Back

Classic example today from the totalitarian handbook of how to keep a population cowed and in fear.

Now that our friends from The Religion of Peace have gone a bit quiet on their away days. We need a new (or rather old) external threat to keep us in check and to prove that anything the government does is for ‘our safety’

After all we might start asking for the rights back that were removed under the ‘Oh so useful for so many other things’ Anti Terrorist legislation.

Why we may even be allowed to take pictures in the street again and that would never do.

So it’s back to good old Seamus and Paddy.

Attack by Irish terrorists 'a strong possibility' warns Theresa May

The threat level to Great Britain from Irish-related terrorism has gone from moderate to substantial, meaning an attack is a ''strong possibility'', the Home Secretary Theresa May has announced..

……

a Home Office spokeswoman said. "In general the public should not expect any visible change in our security measures."

Oh, ‘in general’ is it, nice choice of words, that means there will be some and another little slice of freedom (and a lot of cash) is sucked away.

Tanks at Heathrow anyone

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Raiders Of The Lost Ask

Anyone who knows me, will tell you I am not the most tolerant person in the world. I tend to judge people by my own standards too readily they tell me and ‘everyone’ is ‘different.’ 

 

So I’ve learnt to keep my mouth closed on most occasions and yet it is often so hard.

 

My particular foible, the nails down the black board, the squeeze of the nuts, the punch to the guts; is badly spoken English. (Not, I hasten to add from people who do not have English as their first language, they are foreign and know no better and can be excused for a time)

 

“Oh Pavlov’s Cat” You cry “You terrible snob, not every one can speak RP like the Queen.”

 

No they can’t, and neither can I. I’m South London born and bred, if you spoke to me for five minutes that would be obvious, in my speech patterns and accent. Yet you would be able to understand me as I speak clearly and pronounce words correctly. (Probably why I was chosen to do the Group Sessions).

I like to think that I can as Kipling said

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

I try my very best not to ‘er’ and ‘um’ and hate myself when I catch myself doing it, I have been known to apologise to a group and even individual I’m speaking to when I’ve found myself using some particular bit of bad grammar or egregious word juxtaposition. I hate having to say things like ‘up-skilling’ and ‘pro-active’ but have to use them as  they are in ‘the script’.

So finally coming to the meat of this post, there are a few things that push the red button for me in this regard and the red mist descends.

People who say ‘um’ before speaking. [Think before speaking, you’ll sound less ignorant]
People who seem finish every sentence with ‘innit’ [It’s slang and it’s nasty, isn’t it?]
People who seem to start every sentence with ‘obviously’ [If it was obvious, you didn’t need to point it out, construct your argument]
Americans insistence on pronouncing Hiroshima  as ‘Hero-Sheema’

But the one that’s getting to me lately is this one, I must hear it half a dozen plus times a day.

“Excuse me mate, can I arks you a question?”

“The lady at the front desk told me I should arks you where to go”

“I arksed them if they had any jobs and they said no.”

The worst of it is I have even seen it written that way  (only in hand written letters so far, grammar check in Word seems to pick it up otherwise.)

[Form] Why did you not attend the Group Session?

I arksed the lady at front desk why I couldn’t go up to the Group Session an she said I was 20 minutes late an the session had already started I think this is unfair as I was only 20 minutes late an nobody told me I had to be on time an I will be makin a complaint.

I don’t know if it’s a Sarf Lahden thing or has come from somewhere else,[perhaps commentators can enlighten me or your particular bug bears, language wise] but FFS it’s a simple word, three letters ASK, there’s not even a hint of an ‘R’ in there, how hard is it to get that right?

 

What’s that?

 

“Pavlov’s Cat” You cry [yet again] “You are so perfect, how can we live to your exacting standards”[with just a hint of sarcasm]

 

The answer is you can’t, they are my standards that I have set myself and it’s my blog, so I write what I want. 

 

I am not perfect, far from it, there are many that look down on me, as well I know. I smoke, I drink, so The Righteous hate me, I’m white, middle class, middle aged  Englishman, the Political class hate me. I don’t have a degree, employers hate me.  I always fall in love with the wrong woman and it’s caused me nothing but heartache. I have an addictive personality, so I need to keep an eye on the drinking and I don’t go near Fruit Machines or betting shops. I don’t do ‘office politics’ and that has stopped my career dead at times.

 

But always, I am true to myself and in the end that’s all you can be.

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I May Not Know Much About Art………..(12)

But I know what I like and I like this.

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Sleeping Girl
(aka Girl with a cat)

1880: Pierre-Auguste Renoir

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More Effective Than Paracetamol?

Overheard at work today.

Adviser: Can you explain why you didn’t make your signing time today?

Customer: It’s my birthday, right and I was getting a tattoo innit and it took a while.

Adviser: I hope it doesn’t hurt too much?

Customer: Nah mate. it’s alright, I’m taking cannabis for the pain.

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It’s Somebody’s Birthday Today

I was woken this morning at O’Shit - O’Clock which is about an hour before Sparrows Fart, by not only my phone pinging & vibrating away at me, but also Outlook* bonging away on my PC from the corner of the room.

All to remind me that today was somebody’s birthday.

Nice you may think. But you thought wrong, it was not someone whose existence I care to be reminded of, let alone the fact that they have been alive another year.

I wonder if you can guess who’s birthday it was?

Click the picture for a clue (needs Spotify)

 

*it was deleted ages ago, I can only think it was restored from an old calendar when my PC crashed earlier in the year a mistake now rectified.

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Just When I Thought I Was Out

They pull me back in

Well that didn’t last long, after 180 odd groups sessions since end of May, never missed a session, never started one late.

The person who replaced me lasted a mere 8 days and called in sick today.

So muggins had to put on his Group Session hat again and step in, so I am absolutely knackered as I also had my own diary to do as well and also picking up ad hoc interviews for people who were running over timer in their own etc.

Will they be in tomorrow? GOK

Hope you all had a better day.

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I May Not Know Much About Art………(11)

But I know what I like and I like this.

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Poppies at Argenteuil

1873 - Claude Monet

It’s been a good week, I’m back to personal advising which is a part of the job I enjoy, I received an email thanking me for my assistance (Which as you can imagine are few and far between.) I am also meeting people who have been to one of my group sessions and getting some very positive feedback at last.

Plus I found out on Thursday that my contract has been extended to 31 March 2011 which takes a bit of the pressure off and does mean I will have a job over Christmas for the first time in 3 years which is nice.

So it’s time to sit back with a glass of the Co-op’s finest Vino Collapso and enjoy one of Monet’s best that always makes me smile, please feel free to do the same.

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Tiny Cows – Now That’s The Way To Go

Instead of attempting to bring back crazed giant prehistoric bulls or breeding ever larger bullocks, given the increasing frequency of bovine carnage. (Ably being chronicled by The Venerable Mark W.)

I think farmers should be looking instead at decreasing the sizes, I think even a pensioner (The cows favourite target du jour) would have no trouble with even four or five of these little buggers.

You could even put them whole on a family barbeque.

Tiny cow from Cheshire among new Guinness World Records

Swallow, a Dexter cow from Cheshire, stands 33.5in (0.8m) tall from hind to foot - shorter than most sheep.The 11-year-old, who is currently pregnant, has produced nine calves and is described by owner Caroline Ryder as the "nanny of the herd".

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Garlic Bread , Pah

I’ve tasted the future and it’s a taste sensation.

What would happen if you took everybody’s favourite nut: the Cashew.
Combined it with everybody’s favourite yeasty brewing by-product spread: Marmite

Why you’d have the delicious nutty, chewiness of the Cashews combined with the salty savouriness of the the Marmite, wouldn’t you?

click 4 larger

The answer is a resounding YES and very much more so. Whoever came up with this idea deserves the Nobel Prize for services to Snacking [Ed. Is there such a thing? subs please check]

Possibly even a statue on the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square. (Although perhaps we’ll save that for bacon flavoured cashews)

Be careful though, much like heroin, they are very more-ish.

Pedo-bear agrees

Holey Smokes

Happy Miners

In a move that is sure to get up the nose of Dr Duncan the NASA Anti Smoking Tosspot and all the other anti-smoking bigots out there.

It seems the trapped Chilean miners are to get their tuftas after all.

Trapped Chile miners to be allowed cigarettes

Miners trapped deep underground in Chile for more than a month have been given permission to smoke.

I’m sure there will be much rejoicing in the hole today.

I will now add Chile to my list of holiday destinations. (It can replace Australia, which was removed when their own smoking ban came in).

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Sartorial Elegance

I’m thinking of smartening up my own image in line with my spiffy new page template.
And who knows it may help with ‘The ladies’.

Perhaps a nice smart Sport Coat

What do you think?

Click image for larger
CAUTION: Larger image may cause retinal scarring and alarm small children.

New Blogger Template Designer

Yep, having a play about with the new template designer, pretty basic at the moment and I don’t like the way the title looks and you can’t edit that it seems (why?) and I need to find a way to underline post titles, I think that may involve editing the HTML, so don’t hold your breath.

Therefore I’m just seeing what I can do with it. So a work in progress, as it were.

But I like the blue theme ( I am a bloke after all) and the fact you can widen out your posts.

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I May Not Know Much About Art…....(10)

But I know what I like and I like this.

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One Nation Under CCTV

c. April 2008 (Painted over April 2009) - Banksy

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Bacon : Worth Going To Prison For

Sometimes you just need bacon

A man who broke into a house and stole bacon from the fridge before leaving a rasher on a door handle* is being sought by police.

"The victims are at a loss to understand why someone would break in to their house and steal a packet of bacon”

Duh, because they had bacon an he had none and he really, really needed a bacon sandwich.

C’mon, you all know what it’s like when the craving for bacon gets you. Whose to say in his shoes you’d do any different.

In fact I’m off to the caff for a bacon sandwich now.

*The rasher on the door handle is a bit odd though.

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AUTHORS NOTE: To forestall any unfavourable comments,. Pavlov’s Cat in no way endorses or condones the entering of private property to steal peoples stuff, it is a hideous intrusion and rightly should be punished. The piece was meant as a wry comment on the desirability of lovely, lovely bacon.

The Technician

Blogging may be light

This was waiting for me when I arrived home

What do you mean you’ve never heard of Neal Asher, call yourself a Science Fiction fan.

He has a blog as well  The Skinner

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181 Not Out : Declared

Mr Pavlov’s Cat models standard group session safety equipment.

Well it was a hell of knock, 181 group sessions completed, over 1500 people have had to listen to me since the end of May.

But it’s time to hit the pavilion for a while for a well deserved nice cup of tea and perhaps some of those little sandwiches cut into triangles.

The SMT finally got their collective arse in gear and found me someone to train up to take over and they are splendid and will do just fine.

So last session (For the time being only I expect, as I am now ‘cover’ for the person who took over, a luxury I was never afforded) was yesterday and it’s back to 1-2-1 advising today.

A change is as good as a rest as they say, and boy do I need it.

It also means, I now get a lunch HOUR at lunch time rather than a quick coffee in the cafe at 11:30, also I can actually possibly take some time off*

So normal blogging may well be resumed in due course, as recently I just haven’t had the energy.

Keep well best beloved.

Have a good day, I’m sure I will.

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*Not immediately obviously, are you mad? One of the main reasons they found someone to step in, is I am needed on another section to cover for 2 people who’ve gone long term sick (minimum 2-3 weeks) and a third whose got 3 weeks holiday.

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No Pressure Mate

 

Last game of the Tri-Nations series in SA yesterday, Australia vs. South Africa at Bloemfontein.

The Wallabies leading 13-31 at half time, but the Boks charge back to make the score RSA 39 – Australia 38

With seconds to go

PENALTY Australia

On the wing, from the halfway line

Up steps Kurtley Beale (Who has not had a kick in the game so far.)

 

Awesome

I May Not Know Much About Art….....(9)

But I know what I like and I like this.

click image for larger

The Great Wave off Kanagawa

c.1830-33 Katsushika Hokusai

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NASA Doctor – Anti Smoking Twat

 

I would think this is the least of their problems

Chilean miners requests for alcohol and cigarettes turned down by Nasa

Requests for alcohol and cigarettes by the 33 trapped Chilean miners have been refused by a Nasa doctor and they have instead been given nicotine patches to get them through their ordeal.

I can see the reason for ‘No Alcohol’ they’re already on anti-depressants, stressful situation etc. that could lead to violence, bum sex or something.

But fags, FFS why?

Cigarettes were deemed to be bad for their health in such an enclosed space,

Ah, the old passive smoking.

But they have been given both patches and nicotine gum to help them counter withdrawal symptoms.

Why do you think the Army used to have a cigarette ration before the bansturbators got to it. Because they were found to be calming and relaxing under stressful conditions. Something which I can testify a nicotine patch or gum is most definitely not.

Dr Duncan said: “It’s an environment that’s pretty enclosed and we don’t want to contribute to any of the problems within the atmosphere of the mine.”

No, you’re a government Doctor and saw an opportunity to advance your fascist agenda and force your lifestyle choices once more on others.

If I was one of those Chilean miners and I eventually got out (and that's by no means certain)

I would find out who denied me my fags for two/three months, hunt them down, tear off their head and shove my remaining patches and gum down their neck. Whilst screaming.

There, don’t you feel more relaxed and healthy

Actually probably not, they'd just use him as the poster child for how really eeeeevil cigarettes are. “See” they'd say “Look what smoking made them do!”

 

Dr Duncan, I despise you with every fibre of my being.

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Shank’s Pony

Well it was nice while it lasted, getting the bus to work every morning.

But the little bastards start back to school again today. What really irks me is the shits won't go upstairs and the drivers are to scared to tell them too. So the bus glides past the stop with the top deck barely used, with the driver making that apologetic, shrugging motion that is supposed to convey “I’d really like to stop mate and let you on, but what am I going to do? You understand don’t you?”

Still even if you do get on, it’s hardly worth it, for the constant stream of foul language from both boys and girls and the tinny sound of a thousand mobile phone speakers playing ‘Umbrella’

So it’s once again back to ambling in on foot.

Time to fill up the iPod with suitable tunes, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones I think along with the new Arcade Fire album.

I bet it rains as well.

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