I’ve never been a big fan of horses, sure I can appreciate them from a distance, they look good running especially when passing a winning post at 8/1, they are graceful and powerful, all the things that make prepubescent girls swoon (or at least the ones I knew growing up, I imagine the want of a pony is now replaced by want of Jimmy Choo’s or whatever Katie Price is selling).
Now a fear of large mammals is no bad thing, as Mark Wadsworth is ably documenting, cows can kill you on a whim. It is just self preservation.
Yet horses disturb me more than most other ‘domestic’ beasts, I don’t know what it is, maybe it is that their heads are too aquiline, almost raptor like. When they look at you there’s always seems to be a ‘knowing’ in the eyes, a ‘I could crush you in an instant, so don’t fuck with me’ look.
Now you may put this down to the nervousness of the city boy and it’s true I am a city boy through and through, I don’t like ‘the country’, it’s dark and it smells. I love my street lights, my paved roads, my 24/7 corner shops and lack of murderous wildlife.
“Oh pshaw Pavlov’s Cat” You say “You typical city boy, horses are lovely and gentle, my best friend is a horse, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Oh really, are you that sure?
Deadly Equines: The Shocking True Story of Meat-Eating and Murderous Horses
click for larger
Don’t seem so ‘crazy’ now, do I?
Pavlov’s Cat Almost Being Killed to Death (Again)
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Although all this horse is thinking is;
“I’ll happily go vegan if someone gets this fat fuck of my back”
(Authors Note: I have now lost weight since then)
[Ed. Note. Not that much, you’re still a fat fuck just not ‘that’ fat]
*Apologies to all those that now have The Osmonds in their heads for the rest of the day
My grandmother had a sizeable chunk of her left breast bitten off by a horse in the New Forest a few years back. So I know for a fact that horses are man(nan) eaters.
ReplyDelete* I always thought the song went "Crazy horses, neeergh, neeergh', not 'wah, wah'.
ReplyDeleteI'm disturbed to find out that horses are as violent as cows, I suppose we don't notice because there are far more cows than there are horses, but as that drugs bloke said, horse riding kills ten times as many people as ecstasy tablets, even though ten times as many people take ecstasy tablets (or whatever the figures were).
The horses that lurk in the field next to the ninth and tenth where I play tend to express their hilarity by going "ney hey hey hey hey" when one of our fourball hoicks one out of bounds into their parish.
ReplyDeleteNot as bad as the ducks that lurk by the lake on the seventeeth and eighteenth. It's quite disheartening when they "quahahahaha" before you've duffed one into the water.
Thankfully none of these have expressed their man-eating tendencies as yet, though one of our lads was bitten by an adder in the bracken next to the eleventh.
Hmmm, think I prefer cats.
ReplyDelete