It Was After His Nuts, D’Ye See

I’m not sure if this goes under ‘animal attacks’  or potential Darwin Award nominee [Ed. use both]

Man Aims For Squirrel, Hits His Foot Instead

A Benton County, Ore., sheriff's officer says a 36-year-old Monroe man told deputies he was startled by a squirrel that ran up his left leg so he fired at it but hit his foot instead.

The Speaker’s New Portrait

There’s a lot being said about the Speaker’s new coat of arms, a mere £17,000.

However there is also a portrait for another £22,000 , this may seem excessive, but is actually quite reasonable as I happen to know this was the second portrait commissioned after the first was rejected for reasons unknown.

click to make bigger (the picture that is)

I  know it’s a cheap shot, it’s not big or clever. But then again neither is he.

It Wouldn’t Be The Weekend Would It

without at least one Daily Mail Sub-Editor FAIL

Oh wait another one.  They are swallows actually, says so in the story

clickity image for story

Can You Use It In A Sentence?

Jail warning... and a vocabulary lesson for riots scooter hoodie

Judge Roger Chappel warned him of "a substantial custodial sentence". The teenager asked: "What do you mean by substantial? I don't know that word." The judge replied: "Long."

So we have a piece of inner city pond scum who doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘substantial’ [no surprise really]

And yet one wonders if this will also be another case of a Judge who does not know the meaning of the word ‘long’.

Out in just TWO years: 'Soft' sentence for serial teen offender caught on camera fleeing after brazen stabbing of a young man in broad daylight

Plus other too numerous to mention, just read JuliaM most days

I will await the actual sentencing with interest.

A Turn Of Phrase

Raedwald is in Krakow, Poland, for what reason I know not. But;

The ghastly EU symbol was confined to something the size of a postcard on a few civic projects obliged to acknowledge funding, but there was no pride or belief in it - in complete contrast to Budapest, which revelled in EU membership as a Labrador revels in cow shit.  

I’ve personally seen the same as in Budapest in; Ireland, Greece and Spain, all glorifying the the largess of the EU.

How you left now?

I Don’t See How Arguing Is Going To Help

It’s Just Crazy Enough To Work

 

Civil servants 'to staff borders' during strikes

Civil servants from across Whitehall are being lined up to act as border staff at UK ports and airports during next week's public sector strikes.

After all those that are actually doing the job don’t seem particularly effective

Net migration to UK in 2010 at record high

Annual net migration to the UK in 2010 was 252,000 - the highest calendar year figure on record, figures show.

The data from the Office for National Statistics showed immigration remained steady at 591,000 but there was a drop in the number of people leaving the UK.

 

BTW. Aren’t the Borders Agency people Civil servants as well? I suppose

‘Different Civil servants, not the usual ones, but rather other ones from different offices, but still government employees ‘to staff’ borders’ during strikes

Isn’t as catchy.

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Weekend Work Experience Sub-Eds Clock On

Over at The Daily Fail

Expect plenty more by Sunday

Why You Always Assume It Is Loaded

click to play

Aurora Bore-ollocks More Like

Once again I find myself in latitudes far above those I am commonly used to. However as there was a break in what seemed to be a perpetually occluded sky and I have been placed in a North facing room on an upper floor, I thought that I would spend some time on the balcony with a glass of wine and a cigarette and take in the celestial firework show that is the Aurora Borealis or 'Northern Lights' as it were. 

File Picture

And what did I see? Nothing, nada, zip, not a thing. The sky remained resolutely empty of stunning cascades of light, there were a few glows on the horizon, but I believe they were perhaps the cooking fires of the local tribesmen.

Of course first thing this morning I complained to the Duty Manager at Reception, only to be laughed at, he said something along the lines of [I can't do the accent] ;

"Eeeee lad, tha knows you cant see T'Northern Lights frum here. Tha has ta ga foorther North than this-un" 

Further North? I don't even think that's possible 

The North as envisioned by Pavlov's Cat

Where The Rose Is Sown

Saturday Sub-Ed Monkey Strikes

From where else The Daily Fail

By Toutatis!!!!

Yes I know, some people have far too much time on their hands and it has become common amongst grant seeking academics to hang their latest research on popular culture, especially if  they can make it a bit controversial.

Asterix history debunked but Gaul myth will endure

The Asterix comic books, first created in 1961, have done much to mould popular beliefs about the Gauls through their diminutive, moustachioed hero and his corpulent sidekick Obelix.[Ed. ‘Well covered’] 

But the books by René Goscinny and illustrated by Albert Uderzo have got it almost all wrong, according to the exhibition "Les Gaulois" under way at Paris' Cite des Sciences.

For a start, the Gauls were not forest dwellers but lived in complex towns and villages, aerial archaeology suggests, clearing woodland to raise cattle, sheep and pigs, and farming cereal.

But then we come to

What!!!!!

Any fule kno that  Obelix is a Menhir sculptor and delivery man , he wouldn’t know a dolmen even if the sky were to fall on his head

I guess the author has never read an Asterix book in his life either that or perhaps he is a Roman and as everyone knows “These Romans are crazy”

As a ‘well covered’ gentleman myself, I feel it is my duty to point out another example of ignorant, not bothered to research journalism.

ADDENDUM
Something I didn’t know, that literally made me smile.

Obelix's name is a pun on the French word obélisque (obelisk), suggested by rotund physique and his habit of casually carrying heavy stone monuments (menhirs) around with him. In fact "obelisk" is also (in both French and English) a variant of the word obelus (obèle), a typographical mark ("†") often found in a companion role to that of the asterisk, after which his friend Asterix is named. [Ed. Nice]

Very, very clever and a huge tip of the hat to René Goscinny and Albert Uderzo, the Asterix books from my youth still find their way into the bathroom on occasion when there is a shortage of reading materiel.

Half A Beast?

Well may be, 

This week I am currently staying in hotel room number 333

Last night in the bar, a fellow trainee was bemoaning the fact that perhaps the weeks starting a new job and undergoing intensive training was possibly not the best time to give up smoking and that he was 'dying for a cigarette' 

'Well" I said "You are welcome to one of mine" indicating the packet of B&H and lighter sitting on the table and so with a snatch and run worthy of the Artful Dodger he was away to the outdoors.

I'm sure Screwtape would have approved

.

Kicking Kangaroo KO’s Kiddie

From the Land of Wonder another tale of Roo Rage.

Toddler attacked by kangaroo which tried to claw him to death as he played in his back garden

A two-year-old boy playing with his toy wheelbarrow was bowled over by a kangaroo which then pinned him down and tried to claw him to death.

The screaming child's terrified parents ran at the animal and managed to chase it away - but not before it left Zakkiah Galea with severe wounds to his face and body.

His mother Nicole Galea last night told how the aggressive kangaroo left her in fear that her son had received fatal injuries in the attack on the family's ten-acre property at Port Macquarie, in northern New South Wales.

Well he seems to be getting better, but it must have been a nasty few minutes for the youngster. Still he will have learnt the important lesson that animals are not our friends.

However one confused commentator seems not to have read the story properly

 

One can only hope that it is a spoof for poops and giggles, however given the general standard of commenting in The Daily Fail it probably isn’t.

And once again it gives me a chance to post a picture of me almost being KILLED TO DEATH by a marauding marsupial ( Note the clever distraction technique, while the stealth duck goes in for the lower extremities)

I Bet There Were Some Disappointed Footballers

when they clicked this link

 

Try Aldi's new Four Bird Roast - it's perfect for Christmas